Wednesday, March 31

thanks to my friend maky, i can now do this.

lemme try.

how does CRT eat?
Pizza Parlor 2


what do i become when i go to my first night-out for this year?

this is fun. now, this may not be fun for all you.

mar roxas, maksim, the da vinci code?
Bow Down Wave

hmmm...very good.

my other obsession.

he will be here.

april 20.

ccp main theater.

Tuesday, March 30

You're Catch-22!

by Joseph Heller

Incredibly witty and funny, you have a taste for irony in all that you
see. It seems that life has put you in perpetually untenable situations, and your sense
of humor is all that gets you through them. These experiences have also made you an
ardent pacifist, though you present your message with tongue sewn into cheek. You
could coin a phrase that replaces the word "paradox" for millions of

Take the Book Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid.

eating habits gone mad

yes, my eating habits have gone mad. i should probably expect to have bleeding ulcers in the coming months. just when i'm getting used to starving myself at night, i went back to devouring whatever's in our table during dinner time. "pagod ako eh, gutom pa", is my perpetual excuse. just when i'm getting used to eating heavy breakfast, light lunch and no dinner, now i ravenously take whatever's available in my officemates' desks (just today, pinasugbo, bulacan chicharon, pandesal with queensland butter, clover and a few hershey's kisses are easily within reach).

and even with a very frustrating okra-talong binagoongan (what do you mean pork binagoongan?), i still ate a lot for lunch. and oh, i finished my last 3 strips of meiji black chocolate. ako ata ang buntis, not chelli. hmmm....

it's already past 1 pm and i don't feel like resuming my work. save for our broken phone lines (wooohoo!!), nothing can nudge me from surfing. i know, i only have to click that X button at the top right corner. but i won't. i can't. the hell with those pesky correspondence.

lemme see...maybe noime has more turrones and pastillas in her drawer.

Monday, March 29

i was supposed to write about my mommy susie and how her death has taken a toll on me. it has always been a plan since i started blogging late last year. as i was dealing with a complex case of writer's block, i never get to write about her. not until tonight.

funny as it may seem, i felt sad knowing that korina sanchez's mother died. well, she has cancer, and mommy susie did have one as well. korina's mom died of cardiac arrest, mommy susie did too. i was telling patty via text that it wasn't the big C that caused mommy susie's death. i guess she felt afraid with those gadgets and respirators and catheters of all kind inserted in her body. all of our worried and crying faces, that belies our words when we ask her to fight and loosen up. i think that was what korina's mom felt, too. and both of them were being treated at manila doctor's hospital when GOD decided to call them.

talk about happening too fast. it was so fast i never knew when to start crying. and now, a floodgate of my memory has opened that i can only see a blurred computer screen. i promise to get back tomorrow.

Sunday, March 28

tamad ka. tamad

i don't feel like going to work tomorrow. this has been the case since the year started.


Friday, March 26

Personality Disorder Test Results
Paranoid |||||||||||||||| 62%
Schizoid |||||||||||||||||| 74%
Schizotypal |||||||||||||||| 66%
Antisocial |||||||||||||| 58%
Borderline |||||| 22%
Histrionic |||||||||||| 42%
Narcissistic |||||||||||||||| 62%
Avoidant |||||| 22%
Dependent |||| 18%
Obsessive-Compulsive |||||||||||| 42%
Take Free Personality Disorder Test

Saturday, March 20

I have said this more than thrice since this whole issue came to life: For someone who is just starting her career, this can be so frustrating. I am on the verge of utter disillusionment.

While many who knows me rave about my being in this workplace, sometimes I can’t help but tell them, ‘Kung alam nyo lang!’. * sigh *

More on this issue in the weeks to come. * sigh *
Maghahanap na lang ako ng mga campaign news about Mar Roxas (yipeee).
I am at home today because I am letting all the toxins go out my system. In more blunt words, nag-e-LBM ako and I had to stay home, miss an 8-hour overtime work and a hosting stint for a basketball tournament opening. Pero it’s okay, as my weekends really mean staying at home. I had the luxury of getting up at 9 am and daydream for 30 minutes more because I had two weird dreams.

First, I dreamt that my mom and I were walking in this street I kinda remember but can’t, sobrang lakas ng ulan and my mom was laughing hard because our umbrella was so big yet my face was so wet. Second, a crazy woman, who reminded me of “Aiko”, a character in my childhood, who gave me her baby. Sobrang cute daw nung baby and I was planning to keep him (la lang, feeling ko baby boy sya) away from the crazy woman tas namili na daw ako ng diapers, feeding bottles and stuff.

When I thought of them, I steered clear of deep dream meanings. For they only mean two things: dun sa una, I feel kasi partially responsible for leaving Tita Beth’s umbrella in Sbarro last Thursday. Syempre nahihiya ako when Tita Beth was telling me na naiwan nga daw naming yung payong…oh well. Yung next, my good friend Chelli found out yesterday that she might be having a baby. Syempre excited din ako kahit wala naman ako kinalaman dun. There are speculations na napaglilihian nya kami sa office (there’s no such term as ‘infanticipation’!) kaya we, particularly yours truly, feel sleepy most of the time kahit office hours. If that’s true, that would mean it’s my second time to be napaglihian, nung una was in fourth grade…when my adviser who’s so fond me suddenly hated me for no reason and I lost my appetite and eventually lost weight…tas everything went back to normal nung nasa last trimester na sya. Well, dun sa losing weight na part, I wouldn’t really mind but not with the antukin part as it could cost me a big negative chunk in my EER.

What else is new? Oh yeah, second-hand books. Nagalit na naman ako sa pera at nanggigil sa mga libro nung payday. Priceless yung look sa face ni Mommy when I entered the house na ang dami ko na naming bitbit na libro. Among my latest acquisitions were: A Frolic Of His Own by William Gaddis, A Man In Full by Tom Wolfe, The Poisonwood Bible by Barbara Kingsolver, Slaughterhouse-Five by Kurt Vonnegut, Angela’s Ashes by Frank McCourt, Loose Screws by Karen Templeton, Apollyon (Book five dun sa Left Behind Series) and America the Beautiful by Moon Unit Zappa. All of them for 420 pesos. Okay na rin, di ba? For now, I just hope for more time in my 24-hour day to read them. As of now, I am still engaged in The Da Vinci Code; it’s not mine, thus the urgency to finish it as the owner would leave Manila by early May.

Thursday, March 18

my current obsession. win or lose in the senate run. *sigh*

Wednesday, March 17

excerpts from Jingo, a Discworld novel by Terry Pratchett:

* * *
It was a moonless night, which was good for the purposes of Solid Jackson.

He fished for Curious Squid, so called because, as well as being squid, they were curious. That is to say, their curiosity was the curious thing about them.

* * *
Solid, squinting hard, could just make out the shape of another boat, heading toward him. He grabbed his boat-hook.

"I knows that's you, you thieving foreign bastard!"

The oars stopped. A voice sang over the water.

"May you be consumed by a thousand devils, you damned person!

The other boat glided closer. It looked foreign with eyes painted on the prow.

"Fished 'em all out, have you? I'll take my trident to you, you bottom-feedin' scum that y'are!'

My curvy sword at your neck, you unclean son of a dog of the female persuasion!"

* * *

akala ko magaling ako magsulat. kasi naman mula bata ako, tuwing matatapos ang isang kalokohan ko sa pag-iimbento ng mga scenario at matapos ko itong maisulat, sasabihin nila, okay daw ang imagination ko. pero naglaho na yun unti-unti. what could possibly went wrong? kulang siguro sa praktis? i never had any solid writing practice, not college, dahil lutang na rin ang mga composition ko nun. isang short story ko lang ang nabigyan ng A ni prof. agbayani, fantaserye pa ang tema. nung high school siguro, lalo na nung mga panahong crush na crush ko yun..sino nga yon? si angelo bontogon.

hay naku, buhay. if you ask me now kung ano ang interes ko...baka wala akong masabi. kasi lutang nga lahat. parang puro plano. magsusulat ako. magbabasa ng interesting na libro. magmu-movie marathon. mag-aaral uli. pero wala din. minsan may mga idea na papasok sa isip ko habang nakasakay ako pauwi...tas pagharap ko sa computer o pagbuklat ko ng journal ko, wala na lahat. yung libro, bumibili lang ako ng bumibili, halos di ko din naman nababasa. minsan, naiisip ko na baka hindi ko talaga gusto magbasa---baka gusto ko lang patunayan sa sarili ko na since kumikita na ako eh hindi ko na sila papatawarin!

at sa isyu kung bakit wala na akong confidence at interes magsulat...hindi ko rin alam. lutang nga utak ko eh. sana bumalik yung panahon na meron akong napagtutuunan ng tunay na bang magkakaroon ka ng passion na gawain na yon. ngayon kasi, lutang nga ang buhay ko.

ito ang nagagawa ng nilalagnat pero nasa opisina at nagta-type habang lunchbreak.

Tuesday, March 16

the items were easy. the only catch is, who the hell is fuhrer???

Grammar Fuhrer
You are the grammar Fuhrer. All bow to your
authority. You will crush all the inferior
people under the soles of your jackboots, and
any who question your motives will be
eliminated. Your punishment is being the bane
of every other person's existence, because
you're constantly contradicting stupidity.
Everyone will be gunning for you. Your dreams
of a master race of spellers and grammarians
frighten the masses. You must always watch your
back. If only your power could be used for good
instead of evil.

What is your grammar aptitude?
brought to you by Quizilla
It isn't a poem
Non curo. Si metrum non habet, non est poema.
"I don't care. If it doesn't rhyme, it isn't
a poem."
You are a type A personality. You like bright
things, you don't call in sick to work, and you
have devastating opinions about art.

Which Weird Latin Phrase Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
okay, okay---pretending to be my brother's keeper all the time. sige na nga.

You are MARLIN!
What Finding Nemo Character are You?

brought to you by Quizilla
and my being perfect kept "the boyfriend" away???

You're Perfect ^^
-Perfect- You're the perfect girlfriend. Which
means you're rare or that you cheated :P You're
the kind of chick that can hang out with your
boyfriend's friends and be silly. You don't
care about presents or about going to fancy
placed. Hell, just hang out. You're just happy
being around your boyfriend.

What Kind of Girlfriend Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
this is becoming a worst habit.

it's 12:30 p.m. and i have not accomplished anything worthy of every cent they pay me. i guess, i am still in a limbo after that flash "reconciliation" lunch, the "as-if-nothing-happened" conversation in between bites of mozzarella sticks.

i asked them just an hour ago, "what motivation do i need to unleash my passion for work?"

naks, unleash my passion. that's scary.

and just like many of you, i would take some comfort in taking quizilla quizzes.