Saturday, July 30

ten relationship (and marriage) tips from mom
(...and you don't know my mother! hahahaha!!!)

i get tired hearing my family talk about this female cousin of mine, who is about to turn thirty, and her boyfriend. well, the bottom line is that they don't want the guy for her, for reasons that even the most unjudgmental side of me seems to accept as valid. i can't blame both parties, i just hope they get to settle this soon and make it somewhat a win-win situation for all of us.

my mom and i, no matter how close we appear to be, are not open with matters of the heart (well, my heart). during my dramatic moment in the office two weeks ago, i confessed that mom really doesn't know about my personal life. i don't know how it could happen for people who barely spend time apart, but it just did with us. surprisingly, apart from superficial crushes on this and that artista or politician, my mom never knew my real life affairs until i get to introduce the person to her.

however, the mother that she is, i know she senses if i'm into something, even if her thoughts are not always accurate. through time, she kept on reminding me, directly or otherwise, of the following points to ponder, about relationships and taking the plunge at married life:

1. it's easy to get married, to stay married is not.
i guess it says it all.

2. a partner who physically abused you never ever deserves another chance.
this one i firmly believe in. although some would argue that the abused party probably provoked the abuser, then again, it's never justified. my mom strongly advised to leave my partner if i received a slap or a blow, and run to her (how sweet). kaya lang, knowing me, and my very poor anger management attitude, i will not leave easily. pag sinaktan mo ako, i'll make sure na bago ako umalis, sasaktan din kita, i.e, gigilitan ng leeg, damn you! (this is what my parents are afraid of; something that they talk about as a joke in front of me. baka instead na ako bugbugin, based on my very short temper and low tolerance for ignorance and habitual lying, baka ako ang bumugbog sa asawa ko. hmm...something to think about. pero seriously, may takot naman ako sa Diyos.)

3. always save. work, if it fits the compromise.
i do not belong to a well-to-do family. we are happily middle class and it's always a reality that money is a very vital component to subsist. although my mom never really had an 8-5 job but only little home businesses from time to time, my mom instills in me the importance of saving and hindi 'ubos-ubos biyaya', and to have money of my own, if and when my future husband prefers me to stay at home. even when the dream of being a housewife and a mother dawns on me, i think i will not be totally an unearning statistic. syempre, i know nakapag-aral naman ako and this work experience i have now, would help me do things that can generate income kahit nasa house lang ako. in a more realistic setup, if i continue working, i guess i have to step up and work harder to be the "super multi-tasker" that working moms and wives always are.

(the next three are somehow related...)
4. get along with your in-laws, sincerely.
for probably a lot of people, this is kinda hard. no family is perfect. i know that there will always be that "someone" in the family that would object to you, question you, meddle with your relationship, but my mom tells me that i have to embrace those kind of people. in turn, my partner naman will do the same with my family, which is so far from perfect, and also has glitches in many aspects.

5. the "it should only be the two of us" illusion is not possible.
now, my mom does not mean i should welcome meddlers and unsolicited advisors to penetrate my marriage. i somehow get her point; it's true tlaga that yung union ninyo ng partner mo really has peripheries, and those are the relatives. it should maintain a proper balance of dealing and loving the peripheries of each other's lives while working on our own marriage. i should be prepared daw to understand na my partner will still have to help his family, in many ways na nagtatapos sa "-lly", because i will need to do that with my own family too.

6. be open to my partner about my family.
now, this is more personal, and it directly relates to me. see, my family is not your conventional father-mother-children setup. it's pretty complicated that at one point sabi ko nga, rational and emotionally intelligent people lang ang makaka-appreciate sa akin (oo, bawal ang tanga at narrow-minded sa teritoryo ko, kahit gaano kita kamahal). i will admit i still have traces of insecurity about it and there are moments when it's an important criterion na yung partner ko should come from an equally dysfunctional family. during an ass-brain moment like this, ang reasoning ko is that, kahit unconventional ang family ko, we managed to rise above it at okay na tlaga kami ngayon than what you expect, relationship-wise, so kung mas magulo pinanggalingan ng partner ko, mas konti ang insecurity ko. ang labo ano? ang gagong logic. pero minsan, ganyan pa din ako. but hindi naman super unconventional ang family ko. it's just your case of having many partners and many children, pathetic relatives...for all you know, marami na ring ganito sa mundo that real deal families will feel so alienated already! hahaha!!!

7. never be ashamed of our family and where i came from.
now, this is corollary to number 6. kumbaga, my mom tells me never to sugarcoat things sa getting-to-know each other phase pa lang (parang regression ng relationship ang numbering ng tips na ito no?). pero hindi naman yung i will blab about it. parang matter of fact lang, eh kasi it's the truth naman. apart from the family set-up, never pretend about our financial situation. while we are not downright poor, we're not rich either. if i sense that my partner does not like it, or is kinda ashamed of it, i should drop him. lalo pa pag ang nakialam na eh yung parents/family. it's fundamentally normal to be surprised by it, lalo na if my partner comes from a conventional family, and i cannot blame them. my mom tells me to accept these initial negative reactions but never allow them to step on my person kasi i don't owe them anything. i had a personal experience with someone like that and while i don't hate that guy's parents anymore, i guess it made me stronger. atsaka, sa kanila na yung anak nila, may p and f defect naman sya eh, that ass (hahahaha!!!). mom said to pray for people who will accept me as i am and yung mga hindi judgmental. dapat din daw, bigyan ko ng chance yung parents/family to absorb and accept yung setup ko so in time, they will change their perception na rin. kaso, sa mga ganito, hirap ako kasi meron akong mentality na "kung ayaw mo sa akin, mas lalong ayoko sa 'yo! goodbye!"

8. choose a man who is God-fearing.
kailangan pa bang i-explain kung bakit???

9. "hindi baleng mahirap, basta masipag at hindi ma-pride."
constantly, i hear this from my elders, not just from my mom. syempre parang cliché na kasi yung kailangan guwapo at mayaman na lagi namang hindi nangyayari no? i strongly agree with this and when i meet people, i always try to see first kung ang isang lalaki ba ay may direksyon sa buhay. yun man lang bang alam nya ang plano nya in case this and that happens. at please, wag lang tamad. you know, it's been a running joke in the family that i am lazy, tipong wala kang pwedeng ipintas sa akin in terms of proper decorum, mapagbigay din ako, (for my parents) matalino daw, pero ako ay dakilang TAMAD. which is not 100% true! well, arguing on this assumption deserves a separate blog entry, but i work to make sure that food is put on the table, and i will find ways to help them more, hanggang kaya ko. iba yung concept of my katamaran that my mom is pertaining to. this could be based on the cultural belief that a man should provide for the family, so mom is very keen on making me understand na wala akong mararating sa isang taong tamad, na tipong, "live for today and let tomorrow take care of itself" ang drama sa buhay---yes, kahit mayaman at kahit pa prinsipe sya! bawal ang tamad sa pamilya namin. kahit gaano ka kaguwapo o kayaman, pag tamad ka at walang direksyon sa buhay, naku, umasa kang lagi kang topic ng usapan pag may handaan. ang sama! hahaha!!! pero hindi naman mataas ang expectations ng family ko. we don't have the right to be like that. someone, especially for a man, who tries to constantly give the best of what a simple life has to offer, commendable yun sa amin.

10. for the meantime (habang hindi ko pa nakikita yung future husband ko), prepare and improve myself so this future lucky guy will greatly deserve me.
o syempre, galing to sa mommy eh! pero in truth. my mom never made me feel na i'm flawless and the most special person on earth---bukod nga sa "kaya lang tamad" punchline, she's been vocal in saying na, "buti na lang anak medyo matalino ka kasi hindi ka gaanong kagandahan". hahahaha!!!

i just wish that some mother out there is giving her son tips that run along the lines of what i wrote. at sana mameet ko ang "son" na yun in my life's journey (",).

Friday, July 29


because of delusion. because of frustration. because of confusion.

i don't know if my saying "fuck" lately have something to do with this. no, it's not because i'm trying to be the pasosyal na nagugulat, but God forgive me, i've been uttering the four-letter word for anything and eveything i discover, either amiss or new. as seasonal as it probably is, it kinda replaced "hala" in my erratic vocabulary (although for my friends' peace of mind, i have not and will never get over "ay, kabayo ka" when something unexpectedly fall, break, burst or blow up. it's the most wa-poise reaction i have and i do not plan to trade it for any kind of expression.).

i partly blame it on claustrophobia but when i dropped by the office this afternoon, i felt a sense of un-belongingness during my hour's stay. it's the feeling of floating and strangeness, although you know all the people there, you know where things have left off (well, you've been gone for only five days), and you even know the succession of passwords for your workstation as if you're not even thinking and you just typed in. it's like i am...zonked out.

after that visit, the rest of the afternoon has been "zonky" :)

worse, these "ideas" started pouring in, forcing me convince myself that i should execute them as if i am going to succeed. among them are:

take another course apart from what you will study as a group! (for the purpose of impressing whoever, apparently)

give up on this person because you REALLY want to be single! (i am slowly doing it)

strictly adhere to this new and improved financial management! (goodluck to me, i hope i will not die)

start the business you've been 'conceptualizing' for months! (this one i can't believe why i did think of)

and most of all...

show interest in applying for the supervisory position in december! (this one, as of this typing, is something i slowed down with. in the future, i might post the pros and cons of this and you can help me decide---although prayers will surely make up for about 80% of my decision)

i still have traces of this "zonkiness" now and if this condition decides to stay, i hope it will also be consistent with the interest, diligence, patience and persistence i am feeling now. i can only hope for that. i can be zonked for life if this is what it entails.

:: zonk book of the moment: THE SHADOW OF THE WIND by Carlos Ruiz Zafron

:: zonk song of the moment: FOR ONCE IN MY LIFE by Stevie Wonder

:: zonk moment: suddenly remembering eric paredes as if it's christmas day

confused, sad & happy

::: pilit kong inaabsorb yung technicalities ng impeachment complaint kay GMA. in truth, ako gusto ko matuloy yung impeachment if only to practice yung "rule of law", if some people believe that there is enough cause for the president to be removed from office. ayoko na nung pupunta sa kalye para magbago ng gobyerno. ang OA na. yun ang ultimate solution natin sa lahat eh, tingnan nyo, nababago ba ang sistema? mukha tuloy gusto ko na maniwala dun sa taxi driver kahapon. so kahit always political ang motivation ng impeachment process, aba eh pasensyahan. sino ba gumawa ng constitution dati? sana ni-ratify na lang sa constitutional convention noon na pag deemed unfit to govern ang incumbent president, lahat ng tao dapat pumunta sa kalye para pababain sya, para wala ng ganyan sa congress.

for a layman, i found out kahit pala hindi makakuha ng signatures ng one-third ng members ng lower house, dadalhin pa din sa committee on justice yun to establish probable cause, kung meron, didiretso sa plenary, tapos doon, kukuha ulit ng boto, na kung aabot ng one-third o 79, i-e-elevate na sa upper house o sa senate. so, kung madadala din pala somewhere at hindi entirely dead ang impeachment complaint kahit hindi umabot ng 79 signatures, ano pang katarantaduhan ang nangyayari ngayon at stuck sila sa issue ng "creeping" signatures na yan? hay. magsuntukan nalang kayo, baka mas entertaining pa.

::: this lack of patience stemmed from practically finishing nothing within my week-long leave. i have not watched one disc of the movies i planned to, have started but did only three pages of my scrapbook, and barely finished a book. i feel so useless. i just slept and slept and got fatter in a week. darn. even my citibank card, which has been defective since a millennium ago, di ko pa napapareplace. sa monday, papasok na ako, di ko na naman nagawa. ang galing! exemplary!

::: however, there's reason to be happy. for one, i'm in love again. hahahaha!!! ask kathy, doris and tammy, my constant text buddies from 8 to 9 pm for the past weeknights. it's something i brushed off for a while because of this stupid admiration with someone who's even too insensitive and, uhm..older (?). but then again, since monday, i can't help but smile whenever i see him (this new guy, i mean). hihihi, i'm so alembong :)

another thing, BARQUIRONS! rayan and i were talking about it last tuesday, i forgot to ask him what it was, and as you've read below, i was asking, what the hell is a barquiron...then THE very kind kathy sent me a big pack of barquirons from roxas city!!! she told me, it's hard to explain what it is, much more how it tastes so she sent me na lang. see, how many of you has a cool friend like her??!!! now i can't wait to take a vacation and go there at kathy's place. my mom even asked if we can go there soon. rather than inconvenience kathy of sending stuff from there, punta na lang ako dun! i heard tito's wife is also from there so maybe i can ask for tips. fun. i'm so excited.


i'm going to the office later. minsan kasi it doesn't help pag medyo madaling mataranta ang boss mo, may mga emails na dapat hindi nya binubura pero nagagawa nya tapos too lame pa to even explore na meron palang "recover deleted items" ang microsoft outlook. hmph.

Thursday, July 28

ang nakakalokang kuwento ng mamang taxi driver
(warning: paglalahad lang, walang kinukumpirmang katotohanan)

i know many of you have heard of the urban legends and other creepy stories about marcos and his minions. i have nothing personal against marcos and his family, by the way. i wasn't even aware when he was leader of the country. it's just that some stories that came about with regard to his utter greatness and forthcoming vindication, like those of elvis and hitler, are too absurd to be true. and this taxi driver's tale is one version of those stories.

middle-aged and speaks good english, the driver, seeing our month's worth of groceries, started his story with, "by november, don't worry, the exchange rate will be 1 (dollar) is to 20 (pesos)." (aba, hokey yun.) he then said, "magkakagulo in the next two months", then he went on with this "young man", who is about to become the next leader of the philippines. "bata" daw ni marcos.

habang nakataas ang kanang kilay, i asked, "how young is he?"

"thirty to thirty-six."

"has he been around? do we know him?"

"yes, you've seen him, but you don't know him."

oooookay. in english tlaga yang usapan na yan ha.

(i already have an idea of where this story might lead.)

he further added, basta magkakagulo kasi nga dun sa takeover nitong si "young man", it will be bloody and the ultimate goal is to "wipe out all politicians." ohhh.....siyempre sumakay na lang ako. "nakakatakot naman po kung ganoon, baka gawing shield ng mga politicians na ito ang mga ordinary citizens tulad namin dahil obviously they can't just give it all up."

"exactly, iha." uyyy, kakampi na nya ako.

ang projection daw ng takeover na ito ni "young man" ay two months lang to execute the grand plan, pero anything can happen. pwedeng longer than that, probably years pa.

anyway, i never had the chance to question him further, i don't even look him in the eye, mahirap na ha. i don't believe in kulam, hipnotismo, mga nuno sa punso and the like, pero mahirap na makipagsapalaran. sa totoo lang, kamukha nya si rafael alunan III, kaya kahit papano napapatingin ako. naks.

sensing that it's his cue to talk, he went on with the ff:

1. by november, 1 is to 20 na ang palitan ng dollar to peso, by feb next year, 1 is to 1 na at by january 2007, isa na lang daw ang currency ng mundo. anak ng pating, astig di ba?!

2. the US and 127 other countries (so napaisip tuloy ako kung gaano kadami ba talaga ang mga countries sa mundo...) owe marcos a great deal of money na nag-mature na daw noong january kaya payback time na. kung kelan nila inutang at kung saan kinuha ni marcos ang pampautang, aba, hindi ko na tinanong.

3. babagsak ang amerika. okay, what's new. nasa UP pa lang ako eh ito na ang mga hope against hope ng ibang kakilala ko. sa kalakaran in the next year or two, -79 ang magiging halaga ng US dollar. "ganito na lang, bumili ka ng isang item worth $150, pero ibayad mo, one peso and fifty cents, may sukli ka pa." well, di ko naman nasabi sa kanya na, "pasensya na ho, mahina po ako sa math."

4. dahil ayaw bayaran ng US ang utang nila kay marcos, they had four of marcos' doctors killed, replaced by CIA doctors na filipinos din. they injected him with something kaya daw sya nagkaroon ng lupus, sakit of unknown origin and unknown cure. mairesearch nga ito. hmmm.

5. since they can't bring marcos down just like that, nag-plan b sila. (eto, hawak na kayo sa upuan) nung na-political asylum sa boston ang aquino family (yes, ang pamilya ng paborito kong si kris at ng crush ko since kahapon na si noynoy, buwahahaha), it's not because ninoy has a heart problem, but because he has cancer and is to die na rin naman. the US asked him, "so papayag ka na lang ng ganyan, mamamatay ka ng hindi mo man lang napapabagsak si marcos?" (o di ba, nag-tagalog siguro tlaga sila!) well, you basically know what happened to ninoy, at yun daw eh orchestrated ni ninoy at ng american government.

6. recently, may meeting sa manila hotel ang mga chinese businessmen. andun daw si GMA, nag-speech. dumating din si "young man" kung saan, to make the long story short, naging conduit si lucio tan para makapag-usap sina "young man" at GMA. btw, he said na "maliit na tao" lang daw ito si "young man" so nagtataka ako kung bakit hindi na lang sila nag-usap ni GMA, tutal, malamang, magkikita sila ng mata sa mata (old flavier joke, i know). pagkatapos daw ng event na yun, dumiretso si GMA na-i-withdraw lahat ng pera nya sa landbank sa makati, si mike naman sa HSBC, lahat papunta sa bangko sa US. kung ano ang napag-usapan nila, hindi sinabi nung driver. please note that while this story is being told, nakatingin lang ako sa bintana ng taxi, kunwari ay nagmumuni-muni sa sinasabi nya. magaling ako dyan.

7. sa 6 years na nakaupo si fidel ramos, nagkaroon sya ng 2 malls sa south africa at sa isa pang bansa, isang port sa mexico, dalawang cargo ships (amelia 1 daw at amelia 2---di ba, ang discreet? di man lang ba pinangalanang rosemary 1 at rosemary 2?), at kung anu-ano pang mga pag-aari at swiss bank accounts. sabi, he's one of the richest man sa mundo, sa liga ng mga magnanakaw. huwaaat? at si joe de venecia, yoda himself, no offense, ay ang nagmamay-ari ng oil cartel sa pilipinas. well, kung sinabi nyang si JDV ang may-ari ng gumagawa ng M&M's, thus the inspiration of the M&M mascots, baka napangiti pa ako.

well, yung sinabi nyang si ramos ang mukhang nagcocontrol ng nangyayari ngayon sa laro ng politika ni GMA eh medyo hindi absurd yon, di ba?

pero going back to the "grand plan" nitong si "short young man", isa lang ang naisip ko. HE IS TOO MUCH A NICOLAE CARPATHIA OF THE LEFT BEHIND SERIES. hindi ba???

ayokong i-judge na sobrang disillusioned yung driver although sa akin eh iyon tlaga ang una kong naramdaman. ang lakas ng trip nya no?

pero katulad ng maraming pagkakataon, i did not argue with him. i never did, pagdating sa mga political ideologies. sila may hawak ng steering wheel ano? tama ng makinig ka ng makinig dahil for all you know, sa hirap ng byahe, ang isang pasaherong "willing to listen" lang ang kailangan nila, hindi isang kadebate.

ang nasabi ko na lang sa kanya, "i hope we will be able to see the day na maayos na nga ang pilipinas." sagot nya sa akin, "may awa ang Panginoon, iha."

at lahat ng yan ay naganap lamang sa biyaheng equivalent sa 85 pesos na patak ng taxi meter. sana lang hindi na ulit ako makasakay sa kanya bandang november dahil hindi ko alam kung ano magiging reaction ko.

Tuesday, July 26

quizzes so i can decide if i want conass or concon...

Your Hidden Talent
You are a great communicator. You have a real way with words.
You're never at a loss to explain what you mean or how you feel.
People find it easy to empathize with you, no matter what your situation.
When you're up, you make everyone happy. But when you're down, everyone suffers.

Wow, gee. Thanks. I know. Hahahaha!!!
Slow and Steady
Your friends see you as painstaking and fussy.
They see you as very cautious, extremely careful, a slow and steady plodder.
It'd really surprise them if you ever did something impulsively or on the spur of the moment.
They expect you to examine everything carefully from every angle and then usually decide against it.

The first sentence is half-true, half-false.
The second is so true.
The third is, well, around 45% true.
See, such effort to defend myself from a trivial blog quiz.

You Are a Life Blogger!

Your blog is the story of your life - a living diary.
If it happens, you blog it. And make it as entertaining as possible.

So true. I never want to be seen as a "serious" blogger in terms of my entry contents. It's just so not me. Occasional bouts of the opinionated me may surface but overall, I blog so I can share what's going on in my life. Not everything is written here, of course. I still have a decent amount of privacy to keep some things to myself, and that will stay there until I die. Naks. :)

You Are A Romantic Realist

You are more romantic than 40% of the population.

You tend to be grounded when it comes to romance.
Sure, you can fall hard... but only for someone you've gotten to know.
And once you're in love, you can be a total romantic goofball...
But you'd never admit it to your friends!

Ahahaha, I'm too tired to even react on this one. Let's just say it's true. (",)

here i go again.

i want to leave and study abroad. study what? i dunno yet. i just want to go.

i want espadrilles. i chanced upon this crocheted canvas espadrille at the old navy website. can't stop thinking about it.

and what is a barquiron? is it like barquillos? or turrones? tsk. new terms that seem so familiar. help.

i want to go away. no other time than now. i dread going back to work again. aaahhhh.

Monday, July 25

enlighten me : a post-SONA observation

the average person that i am, i just wanna know: is it really valid to look for items such as the tape controversy, and even the impeachment, on the president's state of the nation address ?

at what part of the rundown of the administration's accomplishments and future plans should the statements concerning the state of the presidency emerge?

enlighten me.

since the president called for a change in the form of government, it had me thinking what does parliamentary-federalism really entail. enlighten me, because i only know that federalism, if executed well as in any other type of government, will strengthen the regional representations of areas outside metro manila. viable and promising but how feasible? on another matter, how does it affect the crisis of the current presidency? will this "absolve" the president in the long run? is this viewed as an escape route?

the resumption of the congress' session will see them as busy as ever. see, if i did my math correctly, they are expected to work on the impeachment (it's too premature to say it won't prosper, and if this is what is entailed in following the rule of law then nothing should stop these legislators to push for it), to work on the president's order of working on changing the form of government, and of course, lest they forget, to perform the duties of a regular congress (create laws that will be beneficial for the constituents???). of course, it is expected that with the enormous pressure on their shoulders, NOTHING can prosper in the foreseeable future. it will probably be bickering and flying of political opinions day by day until the world comes to an end. if i am such a pessimist, enlighten me.

i share the sentiment of two senators interviewed earlier, when they said that a lot of things need to be done rather than focus on changing the form of government. the emotions are raging at this time, and upon hearing that the president is endorsing a change in government, many felt it will be the sole miracle worker that will make the problems go away. it is to assume that (given) the political problems will be solved, the others will follow suit, ala-trickle down effect. hmmm, quite a tall order. as i said before, the repercussions of what one senator called a meeting of the "political class" will be most felt by the larger majority. if this class bickers so much, the peso will struggle against the market, affecting the prices of goods (one of the apparent repercussions pa lang yan)...and does it really affect the members of the political class? no. will they feel that prices are so high? no. will they experience tightening lunch budgets to have enough fare to go to and from work? no. and through all these, they still fail to realize that by going there, clad in their expensive suits and barongs, they do not really do anything for us. in a way, wala kaming difference. pumapasok araw-araw but nothing substantial gets done. eh mabuti ako nakakameet ng everyday deadlines kahit paano, eh kayo?

see, i sometimes wish that all of the people in the government will just disappear, as in *poof!* then let's take the kids as leaders, hear what they want to do, what they want to happen, what they basically want to achieve. baka sakaling umayos tayo ng konti. what do you think? enlighten me.

lastly, it annoys me seeing people who do not have anything to do with lawmaking or policy making strutting their stuff inside the congress hall during state of the nation addresses. they are the wives, children, and relatives to the hundredth degree of people in the government, who if asked, probably do not have the full picture as to why they were there. gosh, hindi man lang ba sila nanghinayang that they dressed up and prepped so long just to be seated on the far end of the hall, na minsan lang madaanan ng camera, swerte na kung maka-close up man lang? wow, obviously, okay nga namang pampuno ng gallery. tell me, is there like a post-sona party done there? coz if there's none, sayang naman ang getup at ang ilang oras sa salon! or maybe pre-sona cocktails? nevertheless, it's pathetic. it's an event where the president proclaims the state of the nation and further future plans, and any acts that are political in motivation is probably the farthest it can go. it is not a charity ball or an awards ceremony. this is only in jest, but if ever i get married to a lawmaker, even if he's like a senator or a deputy speaker, i would never appear with my husband on a sona, unless i am in the government myself. i just don't see the relevance. if you do, enlighten me.

and oh, the peach roses and the calamansi plants? tsk. mga typical pinoy gestures. hustong husto sa gimik. siguro it's better rathen than what we see on other asian countries na literal na brawl tlaga ang nangyayari. which got me thinking, bakit hindi kaya nila subukan yung ganun pagkaminsan naman ano? subok lang. baka sakaling finally, may masolve na problema.
gone with the wind

two (for lack of a more apt term so i'm calling them) things have been gone, swept away, flushed down the drain, pfft, last friday. i don't know if i'm happy about it, i cannot really tell. maybe it's because they're only like fascinations which are expected to eventually wane after a period of time.

these two are my preference for multiply and my crush with this guy. ohhhhh, such comfort letting it out. haha.

see, i think these two are kinda connected. i was so hooked with this person (and before you react, your definiton of hooked is probably diffrent from mine! mine's all wholesome, okay?? just want to make it clear.) and since he gets online but is too afraid of the web to "explore" apart from checking his emails, i found multiply kinda helpful because i can send him a copy of my latest blog entry without appearing too obvious (with all these intros from multiply, yeah baby), and what's more, i get to track if he checked the entry already! so it's like feeling good that even if he did not react, i knew that somehow my message got across.

what the hell, that's how much i've been crazy for the past two months! it's so embarrassing! it's hideous! hay, good thing talaga i'm over that feeling. for someone who blindlessly taps her mature side, i kinda failed in this department. comments, anyone?

it's not like i turned a new leaf; i only realized that some things i really love to do can't take the backseat that long. like...

1. reading. i can't remember when i really sat down and read a book. i said before that it might be impossible to top my 51-books-read stat last year and i never did steps to even try to measure up to it. loser. :) but now, i got back to it. i slowed down a bit, doing only 75 pages in an hour when i usually do a 100-130. 'twas thursday night when i felt the itch to read again, as in have a decent reading time, and i grabbed John Le Carre's The Constant Gardener and The Tailor of Panama from Booksale's shelves (see, saving up for plans i have not drawn yet matters a lot to me now). when I was in highschool, my dad sent me a copy of The Little Drummer Girl and it gathered dust and dirt in my shelf. now, i may read it after the other two. he's quite intriguing but i have yet to make a final stand on him. in a nutshell, the constant gardener is about the death of the wife of a member of the british mission in nairobi, kenya. while a death of a diplomat's wife is intriguing as it is, the causes involved are far more interesting, and you can only imagine how an image of a diplomat's wife would be capable of pursuing her cause, despite the complex mile of diplomacy, third-world conditions and an apparent pharmaceutical malpractice. it's interesting. after the le carre "bookathon", i plan to read kazuo ishiguro's works. another thing, i've been looking for donna tartt's the little friend at powerbooks but they ran out of copies last month pa.

(too nerdy a post? i don't care. haha! this is in mild response to an officemate who, upon learning that i'm back to having a reading time in a coffee shop, gaped at me as if i grew a second head and a third leg. hey, people do have different forms of leisure, it just happens that yours is making chismis, going out and mingling with people while mine is eating and reading. i was offended. enough said.)

2. scrapbooking. this one i'm so excited about. the camera whore that i am, i've collected too many pictures since the year started. sadly, i never had the interest to sit down and spend time on scrapbooking, something that i really am good at since gradeschool. i've bought scrapbooking tools and other items everytime i pass by national bookstore (which is, duh, practically everyday), and i guess i have enough to launch this super project. :) i actually planned to do it while listening to a morning show for the five days that i'll be on leave. just to be sure that i will have time to work this on, something that i won't be able to put off because i can't put off the morning show in the place.

3. watching dvds and tv serials. just like many of you, i have a lot of unwatched films and time is not the only reason why they are still left like that. sparing two hours at most for one film is not too much unless there's something that's worthy of my attention, such as waiting for a day's update and other mundane things done for the sake of gracious flirtation. whatever. apart from the korean movies, i still have The OC and my-yet-to-be-picked-up copy of Desperate Housewives season 1. i'm excited, really. i'm not blinking.

(wee, i'm so excited, really! so, who needs YOU?! (bitter....not!)

my multiply site will still be up but unlike the past month, i'll probably just post whatever i have here there.

the president's SONA is tomorrow and let's pray that chaos will be minimal. as if. we are all entitled to our own opinions on this matter and respect me if i chose to be on the "NR" camp. yes, there is such a camp. it mostly consists of people who are excited with their weeklong-leave, have said their piece in previous blog posts and now just wants to make the most doing what makes them happy.

Thursday, July 21

mixed feelings

(originally posted in my multiply journal, now with updates)

I'm HAPPY because I got to help someone even if she does not recognize it. I am not fishing for compliments. The fact that I was able to prevent her from facing an immigration problem is enough for me. I'm also happy because my work isn't that loaded anymore.

I'm SAD because my Mom and I are still not on speaking terms. It all started last Friday; it's a long story and we were both hurt. This is the first time I was really affected by what she said. Tsk. (I just don't feel guilty that I don't want to make the first move so we can patch things. I just can't eh, unlike before when I really can't stand my ground knowing that my Mom is literally a few inches na lang from me and the hostility is so there. Ngayon, okay lang. Bad kaya yun...dapat yata tlaga sinasakyan lang yung pagka-krung krung ng nanay mo kasi nagmemenopause na sya pero nakikipagmatigasan ako. Hay.)

I'm DISAPPOINTED because I missed most of the entries in Cinemalaya, including my schoolmate JP Carpio's Balay Daku. (But I was able to watch Ang Pagdadalaga ni Maximo Oliveros and Alimuom.)

I'm EXCITED because my leave of absence was approved for next week. (Finally, I can watch *get this* Meteor Rain, courtesy of Rachel...who was also uber nice to send me the e-book version of Harry Potter 6!Weeee....)

I'm FRUSTRATED because our food service has been officially terminated. I always settle for what they offer everyday because I don't bring my own baon but more than the satisfaction, the ease of just riding the elevator to get there counts a lot rather than beat a rather long walk to the nearest food chain. We have yet to "CSI" what happened but in the meantime, we will have to settle for deliveries until there's a replacement. (As is the case of curious Pinoys, they formulated a very strong "reason for termination" theory which I don't really buy. It's too shallow to be true.)

I'm EDGY for a weird reason because I have not heard from someone yet. I know I don't have to expect because there's nothing between us. That's why it's so weird. I just wish this would end; I don't want this baggage trailing behind me whenever I check my emails or my text messages, he's not supposed to matter anyway. (Then common friends would innocently ask me, "How's he doing?" and I can't answer, "I'm dying to know too!". Tsk. I hope you would text me, you super dense you! Hay. )

I'm ANNOYED because I saw the supposedly updated bio site of all of us employees and bukod tangi that my picture is of different background, obviously my eons-ago pic during my internship.

I want to go on a deserted island, with a good view of the rest of the world, my unread books, unread magazines, and fresh fruit juice in tow. It would be a perfect life. Of course, having to spend a million dollars for shopping will be a worthy alternative. Or tight hugs coupled with butterfly kisses from the one I love.

Wednesday, July 13

poor feet, poor posture, poor health

ang aga ng uwian namin. just when i was in the mood to work, bigla ba namang nagpauwi ng alas-tres ng hapon dahil sa gimik ng ilang libong tao sa ayala (napaka-politically incorrect naman ata nun, tsk).
kagulat-gulat na kung kailan ka maraming oras para mag-lamiyerda eh wala ka namang maisip na gawin. kung bakit kasi ayaw ko mag-sasakyan. sa totoo lang ,halos linggo-linggo, topic namin ng daddy ko kung kelan ako magdadala ng sasakyan. ayoko kasi dahil madali akong mataranta at feeling ko mamamatay ako pag nagmaneho ako kahit sa taft avenue lang. seriously.
anyway, walang kumagat sa invitation kong pumunta sa CCP para sa cinemalaya dahil nga uwian na raw ng alas-tres. hmph. siguro, madali para sa akin ang magdesisyon ng lakad na ganun dahil malapit lang ang tirahan ko. for sure, kung sa cubao o sa eastwood nag-aya ang mga iyon, natural hindi rin ako sasama. sige na nga.
ang press release ko eh tatambay na lang ako sa national bookstore at magkakape pero pag-akyat ko ng escalator, dire-diretso na ako sa cinema 4 ng robinson's place para manood ng pinoy blonde.
on time ako dumating at grabe, wala pa kaming dalawampu sa loob. yung dalawa pang tao sa harap ko, di pa ata tapos yung opening credits eh naglalampungan na two rows down from where i was. hindi mo maiiwasang hindi tumingin dahil iilan na nga lang kami tapos kalinya ko pa sila. di na sapat ang "get a room" doon sa mga ganun, dapat yun winiwisikan na ng holy water! hindi naman ako nagpapaipokrita pero wag namang ganun. tsk. hay naku, sino ba hindi maiiskandalo na ginagawang dough sa bakery nung lalaki yung dibdib ng girlfriend nya at bumababa talaga yung babae dun sa lalaki. at naka-uniform pa yung babae ha! nakakahiya sa university mo, iha. nagkakatinginan nga kami nung isang nasa kabilang bahagi nung sinehan eh. kitang kita ko sa mata nya na gusto na nya balibagin ng payong yung 2 kaya lang namayani ang decency naming lahat kaya nanood na lang kami ng palabas.
maganda ang pinoy blonde. kung katulad ka ng mommy ko na typical at unadventurous movie-goer, wag nyo ng asahan na magugustuhan ang movie na ito. sabagay, basa blurb naman nito na hindi ito ang ordinaryong pelikulang pinoy. naaliw ako sa kanya; mahirap ipaliwanag kung anong meron ito kasi napaka-vague ng standard ng ano ba tlaga ang isang magandang pelikula. subjective yan eh, dun na lang siguro tayo magtapos.
ang moral sa akin ng pinoy blonde ay ang katotohanang lahat tayo ay gumagawa ng pelikulang ating buhay. marami sa ating mga desisyon ang sarili nating gawa ang script. pero di tulad ng pelikula, mahirap ang paulit-ulit na take at abrupt na pag-cut. bisitahin ang website ng pinoy blonde at basahin nyo doon yung synopsis. pero hindi pa rin yung ang maeexpect nyo lang sa movie. basta naaliw ako, lalo na sa pag-quote ng maraming pelikula, at mga cameos, ang pregnancy test ni "kris aquino", ang pink na pang-spray sa building, at ang title ng post na ito (for sure, nag-scroll ka pataas para tignan yung title, ahooo)!
bukas, harinawa eh sumama si lalaine para sa cinemalaya.
at sino nga ba ang pinakamagaling na direktor, si brocka o si bernal? ang inclinations ko ay na kay bernal. saka na tayo mag-debate tungkol dito.
ito na lang ang magagawa kong sakripisyo sa bayan ko. tangkilikin ang mga gawang pilipino at di na dumagdag pa sa kaguluhan at batuhan ng iba't ibang opinyon na kung lilimiin mo eh hindi naman tlaga nasasagot ang problema. marami dyan eh yung makapag-teorya lang, kahit ano sasabihin. classic "masabi lang". walang magbabago kung puro galit at paghihiganti ang iniisip ng tao. oo nga at may layuning magbago, pero kung andun at nakatabi sa isang sulok ng puso ang "papatunayan ko sa iyong mali ka at tama ako!", walang mangyayari. believe me.

Tuesday, July 12

i have just been tagged....

three names you go by:

1. judith
2. judie
3. juday

three physical things you like about yourself:

1. lips
2. fingers
3. ehem, uhm...boobs (wala ng asterisks, cathy, hehe!)

three physical things you don't like about yourself:

1. nose
2. tummy
3. hair?

three parts of your heritage:

1. filipino
2. extra-terrestrial lineage

three things that scare you:

1. a painful death of myself and my parents
2. bloody accidents on the road
3. not being able to conceive a child of my own

three of your everyday essentials:

1. cellphone
2. wallet
3. facial tissues

three of your favorite musical artists:

1. kenny g
2. martin nievera
3. james ingram

three of your favorite songs:

1. the animal song (savage garden)
2. can't let go (david pack & michael macdonald?)
3. whatever we imagine (james ingram)

three things you want in a relationship:

1. quality time
2. intellectual intercourse (hmmm)
3. fidelity

three lies and truths in no particular order:

1. i'm adopted
2. i'm happy being single
3. i killed someone

1. it's not the same growing up without your dad at home
2. i have not romantically loved someone for real (ooops)
3. the best things in life are not things

three physical things about the opposite sex that appeals to you:

1. eyes
2. nose
3. shoulders

three of your favorite hobbies:

1. reading books
2. surfing the net/blogging
3. eating

three things you want to do really badly now:

1. take a long leave of absence (so i can...)
2. travel
3. pursue a master's degree

three careers you're considering/you've considered:

1. to be a development research specialist
2. to be an events planner
3. to be a mother

three places you want to go on vacation:

1. amalfi coast, italy
2. china
3. barbados

three kid's names you like:

1. judienne
2. bernice simone
3. zechariah

three things you want to do before you die:

1. give birth (i was supposed to type in "get laid" but that would be too pathetic, hehe!)
2. settle my parents' and children's future
3. splurge with a million dollars

three ways that you are stereotypically a boy:

1. *just see the way i walk!*
2. the way i cross my legs
3. appetite?

three ways that you are stereotypically a girl:

1. when i (feel i) like someone, i fantasize about our future babies' names
2. i cry for no reason, just because i feel like tearing
3. i say (text, write) a lot when a one-liner would suffice

three celeb crushes:

1. george clooney
2. harrison ford
3. mar roxas (don't argue with me, okay?)

my turn to tag...

three people that i would like to see take this quiz:

1. tammy
2. doris marie
3. kryzzy

Visit my MULTIPLY page.

Sunday, July 10

my say

not that my opinion matters.

my simple opinion on a matter of national interest...something that my puny brain managed to digest and deduce from everything i read and watched...

how hard is it to follow the rule of law? i don't want to lose hope on my fellow filipinos but it seems that in a crisis like this, whether they admit it or not, they disguise extreme emotion with conviction...refusing to tread the path of what is lawful, just because one option is "faster". no one knows if doing the faster option will yield good results; let's hope it will. after mulling it over while munching on a corn muffin, i thought that yes, let's hope that the president's constitutional successor can deliver because if it will again be a continuation of the perpetual agenda to unseat whoever's in power, then let's just all kill ourselves. after all, that is a faster way to go to hell.

whatever is happening now, the squabble with what should the president do, stems from what happened in 2001, when they walked out of the impeachment court. i am not for estrada---i despise what he did, and what his minions are continuously doing---but at any rate, i thought, it started the "trend" of opting for the "faster" option, with the firm hope that we can move forward. now, if people clamor for the president to resign, go down, relinquish the presidency, whatever you may call it, rather than impeach her, i can't help but understand them because it's just a mirror image of what happened four years ago. but not because i understand the cause means i am for it. if we are not to follow what is constitutionally right, then let's put snow pake on every part of it, and pretend that it's not there, if we can't bear following it anyway.

i perfectly understand the "suggestion" of voluntary resignation. but then, since it's voluntary, it cannot be forced on the president. she may be the thickest-faced president that we could have but it's something that she has the prerogative to do or not to do.

i believe that the president lost whatever moral ascendancy (a term i hear many times, now i finally got to use it) a leader should possess. i respect the call for resignation but what i can't take is the majority of people that are crying, blood, sweat and tears, for it, not because they believe it's what's proper, but because they can't wait to devour whatever power will be relinquished once she steps down. no,i'm not talking about the vice president but all of the politicians out there secretly standing in a pool of their own drool, eyes bulging, hands clasping, body shaking, and silently thinking, "this is it, this is my chance! yohoo!" no, i'm not talking of positions, but the amount of power and its respective tentacles in motion once the highest leader of the land decides to give up her power.

in truth, no matter what these government people do, it will always be either victory or defeat that is purely political in nature. the repercussions are what the constituents will reap. more often than not, it's always a losing ground for the people; in case they achieve political victory, the prices of commodities will not go down, will they? they would just stabilize, crime rates will still move, the population will still grow, etcetera etcetera...those who "won" will just bask in their "new" glory for a short time because inevitably, whoever's in the opposition will make it their agenda to strike back, until it becomes chaotic again, and the same scenarios will again come into play. and the cycle goes on and on.

with the extent of demons possessing the people in the government, it will be very hard to distinguish when we should put faith on a genuine agenda for reforms, that will eventually lead us into the path to progress. all of them now, in my eyes, have hidden desires rather than just serve the people. most of them cannot hide these desires and put it on top of their list, disguising it for "concern for people". i hope they would all just die, and their families, too. man, i'm so bad. as they say, i may not have the right to wish so because i don't have an alternative to offer anyway. whatever. if they die, then i would be happy, and that's my bottom line. grrr.


by the way, what is with the liberal party? i do not like lito atienza but admittedly, my stand on the matter concerning the presidency is somewhere along the lines of what he's espousing. what i would just like to know is why does he have to resort to a gimmick like what he pulled off earlier? it's like, i got your point, it really seems unfair (seems, because i have not heard drilon's side yet), but it's a party issue! can't you just resolve it within yourselves? i have high regards for LP and as such, i think what happend at the manila city hall was like washing dirty laundry in public, something that would create opinions, which would eventually blur the picture of something that's more important. very disappointing.


how can a fight be won if the supposed fighters are fighting with themselves? i'm not talking of LP alone, but of course, the opposition. there was never a united opposition. the estrada camp is not the whole opposition, is it? frankly, the estrada (fpj?) camp cannot and will not be united, in theory and in practice, with ping lacson because they are threatened that they cannot manipulate him and that not all of their plans will push through, including the most important thing to do...release and absolve erap, that is. they are not so sure if ping WILL do it once they unite and support him (let's face it, if they unite in the real sense of the word, they can bring to power whoever they wish to). ha-ha, their faces give that idea away. so to them, do work doubly hard in getting back the "glory" of being the administration again. that's what you can do as of this time.


i don't wish that when i wake up tomorrow, this would all be over.

however, i sincerely ask God to continue guiding us to the right path, the path that eventually goes to Him.

Friday, July 8


i managed to work on a decent amount of cases today despite the political developments in the country.

this site is very helpful and informative, at least to keep me abreast with the latest.

i just can't help but wonder what was the connection of two "false alarms" in the office, forcing us to evacuate our workstations and secure cover (where we were trained to go), right after our boss spoke on TV as to "our" stand on the matter. hmmm.

(mar roxas has not returned to the country! i am so waiting for him to be back!)

out of touch

I am not able to follow the country's events as closely as I do before. I rarely catch the early evening news as I always get home past 8 everyday and would be tired to wait for the late-night newscast.

I was supposed to meet a friend last night but he was unable to come because of what happened over the last 48 hours. When he sent me a text after I got home, that's when I realized I could have been missing much in terms of current affairs, in exchange for trying to learn something else, which I also consider of value. See, last night, and the past few nights before that, I've been "studying" concepts and amendments related to what I do. Last night, just my friend and perhaps most people working for and/or involved in politics and government policy-making were on "alert", I was in a coffee shop, reading and digesting information about visa ineligibilities (and finally giving up after my head hurt understanding fully what constitute the very vague "crimes of moral turpitude").

So this morning, I tried accessing newspaper websites, and of course, more than the concern over what happened in London, I felt the need to update myself with what's happening to my country. Believe me, I don’t know where to start. I do not remember the last news I knew, much more the events that occurred after that. Things are really going too fast these days.

I am proud to promote two blogs I visit when I feel the itch to be more socially and politically aware. I do not plan to open these sites now because once I start reading, I know I would never cease to do so until I make sense of the whole current scenario. The point is that it's the last day of the workweek and there are tons of things to do! It's a battle now of what should be done…read and update or work. My choice leans toward the former but reality tells me that the latter is more essential in my survival. Would you want to be aware yet unemployed? I don't.

Find time to visit the blogs of Manuel Quezon III and Jove Francisco for doses of worthy reads.

For praises, violent reactions and everything in between, go here.

Wednesday, July 6


it's not so bad to dream, is it?

apart from the creepy desire to have a baby to cuddle in my arms, one rather realistic plan i'm indulging myself with is to travel within this year. i started the year with a trip to the US so i told myself i should seal 2005 with yet another one. i plan to go anywhere within asia for two reasons: i should explore our nearest "neighbors" and of course, doing so is cheaper than going to the US or europe.

but knowing me, it could go only as far as a disappointing blueprint. i have not lost faith in my planning skills but part of me is already whispering that it might not be feasible for a variety of reasons: first, i won't be allowed to take a "long" leave of absence because my supervisor is retiring in december and as deputy supervisor, i have to be in charge of the transition (whether i will go and vie for the position that she will vacate is a story in another dimension! hehe). second, money issues (to what extent can i afford it?). third, my dilemma of wanting to travel alone. i obviously can't do that because for those who personally know me, an out-of-town trip without my mom in tow, unless it's mainly a business trip, is impossible. fourth, money constraints. fifth, my financial state (i haven't mentioned it, have i?).

it's not that i am penniless to plan a trip. i won't be plastic so i can say that i will have something with me especially with the year-end bonus and the credit cooperative dividend and other options where i can really get money if i want to (plus, ehem ehem...the magic word..."MOM"). my only reservation is the possibility that i might be using most of the amount that i will get and boy, it's not a pretty picture after a couple of months. more than a trip, christmas is still one special season for me plus my birthday comes the next month so it's so so sad to be "poor" during those times.

but i'm not throwing the idea, especially that i constantly think of it till i fall asleep in the more recent nights. i also encounter many lures and come-ons, what with last sunday's F episode where angel aquino featured the shopping festival in singapore and this month's cosmo magazine has a hongkong tour/shopping guide (july-august are the best months to go, according to them!)! the inggit cells in my body are in constant work again! all of a sudden, i have the urge to go and visit hk's ifc mall and splurge on lane crawford, zara and shanghai tang! see, ambisyosa talaga!!!

hay. this could be just because i saw these shopping festivals and bazaar galore at this time of the year. i must not forget, and i told my friends this, that I WANT TO TRAVEL TO SEE, NOT NECESSARILY TO SHOP. of course i am going to buy something but before these news spreads and tv features came along, i am convinced that i want to see for real the sights and landmarks of these countries (to pose at the stretch of the great wall of china or under the petronas towers is an example), and not to shop for stuff, most of which can be found here na rin, from divisoria to quiapo to greenhills to greenbelt!

so, let's be one in wishing myself goodluck! i hope it really fluorishes, kahit medyo tight ako during the first (till the second and third?) quarter of next year. it feels so good having to accomplish something that you want deep inside.

*crossing my fingers*

p.s. my mom is a riot. see, i wore a new top i got on sale last week (it's hot pink!) and she hadn't had the chance to say no when i insisted on using the hot pink croc bag i gave her (she has not used it!) to match with it. just around lunch time, she sent me a text, "anak, ang malas ng getup mo, maghapong umuulan, hahaha". ang okray ano?

then just now, she told me, "o, ang bag ko, wag mo ng gamitin bukas dahil hindi ka na magpi-pink!" (a shameless confession: at 23 years old, my mom still prepares my clothes everyday. it's part of helping me move faster in the morning because i am really slow. one anecdote is started with a comment from an officemate, "dapat ho siguro hinahayaan nyo na lang si judith kumilos for herself, masyado syang nabe-baby". my mom's reply: "naku, kung papabayaan ko yan mag-isa sa umaga (ng monday), tuesday na yan makakapasok sa opisina!") isn't she the greatest? hehe.



Praises, violent reactions and everything in between, go here.