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day 1 down

i started this weekwith high hopes. sana lang wag mag-bzzzt soon enough ha. anyway, the regional conference started today and even if major snoozefest yung ibang presentation, the breakout session in the afternoon was great. i've long tried na pigilan ang pagiging epal sa mga conferences na ganyan pero if there is something na alam kong worthy naman malaman ng iba, gumo-go naman ako. sa trabaho namin, it's a treat meeting colleagues from other countries. bukas talaga pipilitin ko naman makapunta yung 2 sa amin. ewan ko ba kasi bakit parang tindahan ng alimango sa office eh. syemre walang aamin pero it's reeking of, "lugi naman, kung pupunta sya, bakit kami hindi...so kung hindi makakapunta yung iba, wag nalang lahat". again, wala namang aamin pero ganun yun eh. ako wala na ako pede ireklamo dahil yung limang araw ng conference, sinabihan na akong pupunta, pero iba yung sukdulan tlagang madamot. hindi ako ganon. gusto ko kung anong nakikita ko, makikita din ng iba. kasi syempre pag nagkuwentuhan later, walang makakarelate sa akin kung ipagdadamot ko yung opportunity di ba?

well, masaya naman ang unang araw ng conference na bumabaha ng libreng matapang na kape, kahit no-host lunch ang drama nya. masakit naman tanggapin na hindi na rin dapat ako manloko na 20/20 ang vision ko dahil ang obviously, hindi na. masama ang loob kong tumingin sa mga salita sa projector screen na para na lang mga dikit-dikit na overcooked noodles. masaya naman, sa kabilang banda, makinig sa experiences ng mga kasamahan mo sa ibang bansa. no offense, pero tlagang ang laki pala ng abante natin sa ibang bansa sa pagsasalita ng english. given na maraming nag-va-vanishing act na mga salita sa isang sentence, naiintindihan naman kasi keywords yung natitira. mahirap tlaga pag yung mismong salita hindi mapronounce ng maayos kasi ang dila eh bound ng kasanayan sa sarili nilang wika. anyway, hindi naman yun ang mahalaga. ako eh naintindihan ko naman yung kinuwento nila kahit admittedly, nakitawa ako don sa ibang parts kasi lang tumawa din yung iba kahit wala naman akong naintindihan.

narealize ko din na wala akong kuwentang magbenta ng pilipinas. kausap ko yung isang kasama namin galing bangkok, at kung ako eh maraming nasabi sa kanya tungkol sa lugar nya dahil galing ako dun nung isang buwan, nung ako tinanong nya kung saan sila pwedeng maglibang ng anak nyang 8 years old...hala wala akong nasabing pedeng puntahan. eh kasi may compulsory tour na sila sa intramuros at ibang bahagi ng maynila. akalain nyo bang banggitin ko ang manila zoo. manila zoo? hindi paglilibang ang madadama mo doon eh. awa! madudurog ang puso mo sa kalagayan ng mga hayop doon. eh kahit doon sa kinder zoo nila mabibitin ka pa rin...at isa pa, maayos ang zoo sa kanila sa bangkok! nag-sugggest pa ako na mag-venture out naman sila sa makati...uhm, oo mismong mga american bosses namin na rin ang nagsabi na okay tlaga dito ang malls pero errng...kakakuwentuhan din lang pala namin kung gaano rin kaganda ang mga bagong malls nila don! tanga tlaga. kasi naman syempre top-of-mind answers yon. hindi ko na naisip na, "pumunta ka sa bohol!" o di kaya, "yung mga world heritage edifices sa ilocos, puntahan nyo!" kasi baka naman sagutin ako ng, "kaya ko bang gawin yan ng 3 hours, balikan?"

bahala na,babawi na lang ako sa ibang araw na makikita ko sila. bukas, bagong pakikibaka na naman. balik trabaho. sige na, tinatanggap ko na, i'm fated to do this until dumapo ang isang mariposa (atsaka ko gagayahin ang ginawang pag-amin ni rustom padilla).

kaya ako ganito kasi kakatapos ko din lang basahin ang stainless longganisa ni bob ong. ako eh never nag-expect salahat ng libro nya kaya wala akong masasabi na maganda o pangit. basta sa bawat pagsarado ko ng librong sinulat nya, lalo na itong huli, napapasabi ako sa sarili ko na, "oo nga ano?" ay, basta. mahal ko na si bob.

~
congratulations nga pala kay philip at kay reese! di ko na kayo napanood. salamat din kay cece kasi walang patumangga ang oscar's updates nya (tinamad na rin akong panoorin yung re-run sa channel 9 at star world eh, napanood ko na naman kasi yung red carpet interview at pag-present ng award ni jennifer aniston).

return of the judie :)

i've been sooo busy but i loved every minute of it. of course, ngayon ko na lang narerealize 'yon. i am thinking that maybe i need to seize moments as they come pero in a way that will not appear na i started so many stuff pero i never get to finish many of them. you probably know in my past entries na that's what i've been probably doing in my life.

~

i am appreciating work now, i don't know why. but it does not mean that i love it, i don't wanna leave; iba yon. it's like accepting na finally that this is what i've been doing, is currently doing, and would be doing until i find something that would make me feel na i could be better on that side. mahirap magmalaki kasi nung wala ka namang fall back. sure, i can rant over and over about how wretched my life in the office is...pero kung paalisin ako, saan ako pupulutin di ba? considering na i'm not a real risk-taker. .---> which reminds me of my long overdue coffee talk with my friend. ewan ko ba, ang dami kong friends who want to talk about work stuff...talaga kayang ganito? is this what monica geller said to rachel green na "welcome to the real world...it sucks...you're gonna love it!"? i am seeing now na ang daling mag-advice pero pag ie-execute mo na for yourself, iba na. mahirap na sya. anyway, i really want to assure my friend na it will be okay pero hell, how would i know??? or maybe i shouldn't...ipagpatuloy na lang yung assurance na sabay na lang kami along with his other friends, and especially the love of his life, to tread that risk path. he's just having his "moment" of uncertainty, of wanting to get out...and i'm not (fully yet). if only for that, i should feel fine and be responsible enough for friends who feel so. anyway, i'm sure naman if it's my turn to have that real "moment", alam ko naman andyan din sila. yay, super dramatic.

so far, yung mga nag-transpire in the past weeks made me see na real world na nga ito. it's not that i haven't realized it before pero siguro naeexperience ko na kasi eh. medyo chaotic sa office and yung real bosses are not really expected to care the extra mile as long as our day-to-day production is okay, under their supervision. iba kasi ang level ng office politics sa pilipinas, talagang dominated sya emotional sensitivity. mahirap naman gawin tlaga yung "leaving your issues in the office" pero kung talagang gusto, mukha namang workable. i've had my share of being pointed at to cause a boss' disappointment ("ikaw pa, judith, sa lahat ng tao dito, ikaw ang huli kong ineexpect na gagawa ng ganun sa akin" -- oh well, siguro dumating na sa "huli", ginawa ko na eh. gets?). sure, i may have done some form of insubordination there pero siguro i stood by it kaya hindi ko na rin pwedeng sisihin ang sarili ko. now i know that you should not say sorry all the time, no matter how "unchristian" it appears to be. pag hindi bukal sa loob mo, wag mong sabihin. leave it at that. in a workplace, it's perhaps ideal to aim for harmonious co-existence...dahil yung "one loving family" relationship sa office eh hindi talaga pwede sa anything beyond a 5-person workplace.

i've had the pleasure of being the leader for about two months. mahirap, sobrang toxic, pero now that it's over (oh well, at least until our new supervisor learns the ropes), frankly, i'm gonna miss it. it's fun to boss people around. hahaha!!! ewan ko nga if time will turn back when open pa ulit yung vacancy for the slot, kung mag-aapply ba ako. anyway, it's done na so i guess i should simply take pleasure for the stint. it's not as if i'll be back to doing mundane work; i am second in line naman. plus it will give me more time to focus on schooling (more on that later) and work on other portfolios (so, plural talaga).

the new supervisor will start tomorrow. i don't know what to expect...i've heard stuff na she's mabait naman, she's okay to work with. pero syempre you can't brush off anxiety and giddy expectations. frankly, on top of my head is the idea na she would feel disappointed upon finding out how and what the job really is. hindi naman sya masama pero in truth, sa umpisa lang sya super exciting, especially if you're an outsider, kasi there are bazillions of things to learn! i don't know, i may be pre-judging her...maybe this is the type of work she wants to do (clue: if you wanna slow things down in your life!)...maybe this impression is just from us, yung mga twenty somethings who are still idealistic. part of this anxiety also is my own little snooping (courtesy of google) about her credentials. a celebrity in her own right, a civic worker, a TOWNS awardee no less...oh man, i really don't know. siguro nga i should not feel or expect things for her. let her realize it for herself. kasi if she really finds na this situation is what she needs after all those years of being up and about in the society...then i should be happy di ba? malamang ilan nga lang siguro sa amin ang nag-iisip na the pasture is way greener somewhere.

~

hay, next week naman will be hell dahil sa sabay-sabay na gagawin; usual work, yung regional conference, continue stepping up habang the new supervisor is still orienting herself, my grad school application (at ang heart-wrenching nostalgia as i stepped back on the grounds of UP after almost 4 years), renewed family (or let's say, clan) activities (ang happy tlaga nung ang daming tao...for once, naenjoy ko sya! more on this later, too), and dvd marathons (more on this when i have time naman. let me just say i love my friend doris so much).

Okay, so I thought there's gonna be another big rally. I haven't seen one in a long time. I kinda miss it :) Seriously, I support the cause.

TV say: I watched Prison Break last night. It was promising. Familiar faces, like John Doe, that teacher in Boston Public and the lead in one The Twilight Zone episode I watched for 4 times when I was sick and was in bed. :) Of course that's just how I was reminded of them, I am more excited to see how the whole show would unfold.

I also watched, after a frustrating day (but that an entirely different story), american idol...back-to-back. Yes, I think there was no StarNews Asia and Friends. I wonder if that will be the case tomorrow and on Friday. Oh well, all 12 female contenders sang and my early favorites did well. Simon said that 4 contestants stood out that night and Katharine McPhee was the best of them. I kinda agree but I think it would have to be Lisa Tucker for me. I think too that the four singers he meant were Mandisa, Paris, Lisa and Katharine (in order of appearance). I could be wrong but based on his comments, the 4 stood out naman talaga. Apart from the four, I also like Ayla, Brenna (I just love the spunk!) and Kinnik. I am excited to see how the guys would do tomorrow!

Work stuff: A big bowl of crap. The associate chief editor has reminded us to keep our emotions in check and leave each and every personal angst at the office door. Well, it's one hell of a task if what makes you angsty and annoyed is in the office! Yes, we're talking about a person :) Hay, I dunno until when I can endure this. Maybe I ought to stick it out and fight na parang tooth for a tooth or something like that. I just hate scheming people kasi. If I can't love my job, just do what is expected of me, and be thankful for the salary. Yun na lang. Better to watch TV at home. Mamamatay din sya. Este yung incident pala. Who knows.

~
Plus, things come to me that made me happy.


My VF issue finally came! The photos were amazing! You can check out www.justjared.com for scans of the inside pages. I loved Dakota Fanning's classic shot. The others are awesome, too. A collector's item :)


A gift from Powerbooks. My letter was editor's pick for their magazine's (Read) current issue. Just wrote something cheesy then voila! :) It's not as if I so wanna have this but pwede na rin. Have I told you that I don't like the endings of Dan Brown's books? And that I don't own a copy of The Da Vinci Code? i plan to buy one, though. Feeling ko lang it will still be talked about in twenty or thirty years and i wanna show my future kids my own copy of the book from my time. :) Pero saka na lang.


Yay, let's have a yabang moment :) This is a beanie baby which is supposedly from the office of the President (of the U.S., obviously). I got this as a gift because I got a perfect score in a course that our whole unit took for almost 4 months. We had the exam before the end of the year then the test papers were faxed over to FSI (Foreign Service Institute) in VA. Our boss then picked up the results when she went there for training then she carried a story that she mentioned to State Department Secretary Condi Rice that someone from Manila got a perfect score in the exam...thus the token from the State Department. I dunno if it's true, and I'm not saying din naman that our boss concocted this story but...syempre blushing moment! Humility aside, I'm proud of myself. See, kaya ko naman pala. Much as I regret having to perpetually say, "I could have done better" when I was in school, I try to motivate myself by thinking of the fact that I used to be very good at this (studying and topping exams...yeah). Minsan I would have to face the truth that I might be too rusty and beyond repair, but nothing is really certain, is there? Well, my friends did well in the test also, they're almost perfect! Ano ba kasi yung question number 8 na yun eh! Nevertheless, it just goes to show, we're... yeah, good :)

Zoom!

There are just so many things to do.

I still have less than two hours but I hope to get home in time to catch what could be or could not be another historical event.

Be calm. Be vigilant. Be updated.

semi-back

I'm surviving. :)

It's been a week and yes, I am still on an extended break. A lot has happened and I really felt urges to write them down a minute after they unfolded. Eventually, the urges dropped faster than I can open the "Compose" page so they all went to my office notebook-slash-doodle pad during meetings-slash-journal scratch pages. I currently have five pages full of thoughts about the films I watched, my thoughts on recent office happenings, spoon handles in taxis, cleaning up in coffee shops, girly bars beside fellowship halls, my faster reading pace, my being so plump(ier) again, Friends re-runs, EVAT, killing someone who says bad things about my mother, and George.

I was incommunicado for the whole of yesterday, too, because my phone broke down. Much as I regret switching to Globe because of their poor signal, I am amused by their updated texts and missed calls list provided to you when your phone was off.

I am supposed to scan more pages of this magazine, which I promised a yahoo groupmate, email my sister, increase the number of my posts in the Friends forum, and read blogs but I don't want to anymore. Enough for today.

Off to go to watch Nip/Tuck (my very first) instead. Prison Break premieres on the Crime/Suspense channel (50) tomorrow at 10 pm. ETC has another Friends rerun on Sundays at 7 pm. Haven't watched Bones (Tams!) pa.

I observed that more things happened to me when I went on blog leave. Or maybe not. Maybe I just focused on blogging each of them, failing to see the other events happen because I was busy typing. I don't know. But things have turned quite a bit harsher and it was more eventful, just last week alone. I wonder what's gonna happen in the weeks to come.

Oh shoot, Nip/Tuck, yeah. I am five minutes late. See you whenever!

i will rest for a while.

while waiting for mom a while ago in a bookshop, i found myself wanting to devote more time to reading the books and magazines i bought (and borrowed). it's probably an illness of sorts that i tend to collect and collect books and magazines without even reading them. i should start picking them up and browsing the pages, although as it is, i have 5 or 6 books unfinished all stacked in my bedside table.

i felt i should give up blogging for a while because this is the only time-consuming activity that could take the backseat, given my set of priorities.

as i go on "blog leave", let me share to you my wishlist. i intend to have all of them soon, and read or watch them hopefully in this lifetime :) if any of you can help me secure any of them, particularly the dvds, please...email me :) hopefully when i regain the interest to blog, i have all of them already.

• Sophie's Choice (William Styron)
• An Instance of the Fingerpost (Iain Pears)
• The World Is Flat: A Brief History of the Twenty-First Century (Thomas L. Friedman)

• Kar Wai Wong's 2046
• Stanley Kubrick's A Clockwork Orange
• Kar Wai Wong's Chungking Express
• Robert Altman's Gosford Park
• Kaige Chen's Farewell, My Concubine
• Miguel Arteta's The Good Girl

Jennifer Aniston's Vanity Fair May 2001 and September 2005 cover issue



Vanity Fair March 2003 (Jack Nicholson, Tom Cruise, Brad Pitt, Harrison Ford, Tom Hanks, etc.)



Vanity Fair June 2003 (with Amanda Bynes, Mary-Kate & Ashley Olsen, Mandy Moore, Hilary Duff, Alexis Bledel, etc)

and kasi feeling ko cute lang kaya i've been wanting to have this:





~*~*~*

the end of the affair

hopefully, my decade-long affair with laziness and insecurity end today. they are twins and for the longest time i cannot separate myself from them. i want a divorce. no alimony necessary. i just want to change.

*this is what a fever on a work day does to you.*

***

I can't wait for the March issue of Vanity Fair. I haven't even finished reading my January issue and haven't flipped a page of this month's. Naomi Watts and Lindsay Lohan could probably wait because there will be a total barrage of more interesting people next month.

Signing off temporarily,

Grinning Shiela the Queen of Bondi Beach