pahiya

again, it could just be the proud side of me. i feel this most of the time yet my friends think that i just overreact.

i formally believe (as if there's "informally believing" eh?) that this *insert his name* moment is over. it's just like any moment most of you have had. a period of crazy exchange of words, favors and opinions about anything. it's bound to end, unless it's meant to prosper into something beautiful. finished are the days of being there for you instantly, even if it's just a text message. i cannot judge what the other party must have felt because i can only say what was mine. yes, it was a moment of waking up in the morning wishing that things would be more than what was happening. i felt it dwindling too but realization hits you well when you feel that the other person must have been over the moment, too. after the makulit moments, after one favor that was obviously a bulok style, yes...this moment is over. in a matter of days, i could just dismiss the memory by smiling, or maybe laughing out loud...why not?

i have to pick the pieces little by little. i have to get used to checking my phone and no text from him would be there. it will pass, until i'm completely over it.

come to think of it, it's not even something to be serious about. it's just, well, particularly special, because you kinda ignore the others, and focus on this one. precisely because of the moment.

what probably bothers me is the idea that there was never that moment at all. who knows, if he's like that to everyone? but for someone as dense as i am, how could i have felt that there was something?

gee. still, there could have been no moment at all. feeling na naman ako. tsk.

(i feel good after spilling out details like this. i guess i should work on raising my self-esteem. i really don't feel good about myself, especially after rejections from the opposite sex. i know what i have, and what i can do, but i constantly feel i lack something that's...more superficially important. yeah, i should be ashamed by thinking this way. however, it's something that you feel and you can't deny it. some people rarely appreciates how good a conversationalist you are, how gentle you become when you care for someone...because they take what they initially see. that's what i feel, really. it's just unfortunate that i can't choose them not to come my way because they always do.)

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fantastic moment of the day: my boss is assigned in the other office today so i am acting OIC. three cleared officers connected with the technical team approached me to remind that we should not lock our doors after we leave for their maintenance upgrade. i didn't understand why they had that look. it was too late to realize that i was cradling my newest stuffed tigger from tita ditos. the toy has been sitting comfortably on my lap as i type so i didn't have time to put it away. and i even forgot the toy was there. well, that's 100 maturity points for today!

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Praises, violent reactions and everything in between here.