I temporarily moved to livejournal.

Click the icon to go there.

day 1 down

i started this weekwith high hopes. sana lang wag mag-bzzzt soon enough ha. anyway, the regional conference started today and even if major snoozefest yung ibang presentation, the breakout session in the afternoon was great. i've long tried na pigilan ang pagiging epal sa mga conferences na ganyan pero if there is something na alam kong worthy naman malaman ng iba, gumo-go naman ako. sa trabaho namin, it's a treat meeting colleagues from other countries. bukas talaga pipilitin ko naman makapunta yung 2 sa amin. ewan ko ba kasi bakit parang tindahan ng alimango sa office eh. syemre walang aamin pero it's reeking of, "lugi naman, kung pupunta sya, bakit kami hindi...so kung hindi makakapunta yung iba, wag nalang lahat". again, wala namang aamin pero ganun yun eh. ako wala na ako pede ireklamo dahil yung limang araw ng conference, sinabihan na akong pupunta, pero iba yung sukdulan tlagang madamot. hindi ako ganon. gusto ko kung anong nakikita ko, makikita din ng iba. kasi syempre pag nagkuwentuhan later, walang makakarelate sa akin kung ipagdadamot ko yung opportunity di ba?

well, masaya naman ang unang araw ng conference na bumabaha ng libreng matapang na kape, kahit no-host lunch ang drama nya. masakit naman tanggapin na hindi na rin dapat ako manloko na 20/20 ang vision ko dahil ang obviously, hindi na. masama ang loob kong tumingin sa mga salita sa projector screen na para na lang mga dikit-dikit na overcooked noodles. masaya naman, sa kabilang banda, makinig sa experiences ng mga kasamahan mo sa ibang bansa. no offense, pero tlagang ang laki pala ng abante natin sa ibang bansa sa pagsasalita ng english. given na maraming nag-va-vanishing act na mga salita sa isang sentence, naiintindihan naman kasi keywords yung natitira. mahirap tlaga pag yung mismong salita hindi mapronounce ng maayos kasi ang dila eh bound ng kasanayan sa sarili nilang wika. anyway, hindi naman yun ang mahalaga. ako eh naintindihan ko naman yung kinuwento nila kahit admittedly, nakitawa ako don sa ibang parts kasi lang tumawa din yung iba kahit wala naman akong naintindihan.

narealize ko din na wala akong kuwentang magbenta ng pilipinas. kausap ko yung isang kasama namin galing bangkok, at kung ako eh maraming nasabi sa kanya tungkol sa lugar nya dahil galing ako dun nung isang buwan, nung ako tinanong nya kung saan sila pwedeng maglibang ng anak nyang 8 years old...hala wala akong nasabing pedeng puntahan. eh kasi may compulsory tour na sila sa intramuros at ibang bahagi ng maynila. akalain nyo bang banggitin ko ang manila zoo. manila zoo? hindi paglilibang ang madadama mo doon eh. awa! madudurog ang puso mo sa kalagayan ng mga hayop doon. eh kahit doon sa kinder zoo nila mabibitin ka pa rin...at isa pa, maayos ang zoo sa kanila sa bangkok! nag-sugggest pa ako na mag-venture out naman sila sa makati...uhm, oo mismong mga american bosses namin na rin ang nagsabi na okay tlaga dito ang malls pero errng...kakakuwentuhan din lang pala namin kung gaano rin kaganda ang mga bagong malls nila don! tanga tlaga. kasi naman syempre top-of-mind answers yon. hindi ko na naisip na, "pumunta ka sa bohol!" o di kaya, "yung mga world heritage edifices sa ilocos, puntahan nyo!" kasi baka naman sagutin ako ng, "kaya ko bang gawin yan ng 3 hours, balikan?"

bahala na,babawi na lang ako sa ibang araw na makikita ko sila. bukas, bagong pakikibaka na naman. balik trabaho. sige na, tinatanggap ko na, i'm fated to do this until dumapo ang isang mariposa (atsaka ko gagayahin ang ginawang pag-amin ni rustom padilla).

kaya ako ganito kasi kakatapos ko din lang basahin ang stainless longganisa ni bob ong. ako eh never nag-expect salahat ng libro nya kaya wala akong masasabi na maganda o pangit. basta sa bawat pagsarado ko ng librong sinulat nya, lalo na itong huli, napapasabi ako sa sarili ko na, "oo nga ano?" ay, basta. mahal ko na si bob.

~
congratulations nga pala kay philip at kay reese! di ko na kayo napanood. salamat din kay cece kasi walang patumangga ang oscar's updates nya (tinamad na rin akong panoorin yung re-run sa channel 9 at star world eh, napanood ko na naman kasi yung red carpet interview at pag-present ng award ni jennifer aniston).

return of the judie :)

i've been sooo busy but i loved every minute of it. of course, ngayon ko na lang narerealize 'yon. i am thinking that maybe i need to seize moments as they come pero in a way that will not appear na i started so many stuff pero i never get to finish many of them. you probably know in my past entries na that's what i've been probably doing in my life.

~

i am appreciating work now, i don't know why. but it does not mean that i love it, i don't wanna leave; iba yon. it's like accepting na finally that this is what i've been doing, is currently doing, and would be doing until i find something that would make me feel na i could be better on that side. mahirap magmalaki kasi nung wala ka namang fall back. sure, i can rant over and over about how wretched my life in the office is...pero kung paalisin ako, saan ako pupulutin di ba? considering na i'm not a real risk-taker. .---> which reminds me of my long overdue coffee talk with my friend. ewan ko ba, ang dami kong friends who want to talk about work stuff...talaga kayang ganito? is this what monica geller said to rachel green na "welcome to the real world...it sucks...you're gonna love it!"? i am seeing now na ang daling mag-advice pero pag ie-execute mo na for yourself, iba na. mahirap na sya. anyway, i really want to assure my friend na it will be okay pero hell, how would i know??? or maybe i shouldn't...ipagpatuloy na lang yung assurance na sabay na lang kami along with his other friends, and especially the love of his life, to tread that risk path. he's just having his "moment" of uncertainty, of wanting to get out...and i'm not (fully yet). if only for that, i should feel fine and be responsible enough for friends who feel so. anyway, i'm sure naman if it's my turn to have that real "moment", alam ko naman andyan din sila. yay, super dramatic.

so far, yung mga nag-transpire in the past weeks made me see na real world na nga ito. it's not that i haven't realized it before pero siguro naeexperience ko na kasi eh. medyo chaotic sa office and yung real bosses are not really expected to care the extra mile as long as our day-to-day production is okay, under their supervision. iba kasi ang level ng office politics sa pilipinas, talagang dominated sya emotional sensitivity. mahirap naman gawin tlaga yung "leaving your issues in the office" pero kung talagang gusto, mukha namang workable. i've had my share of being pointed at to cause a boss' disappointment ("ikaw pa, judith, sa lahat ng tao dito, ikaw ang huli kong ineexpect na gagawa ng ganun sa akin" -- oh well, siguro dumating na sa "huli", ginawa ko na eh. gets?). sure, i may have done some form of insubordination there pero siguro i stood by it kaya hindi ko na rin pwedeng sisihin ang sarili ko. now i know that you should not say sorry all the time, no matter how "unchristian" it appears to be. pag hindi bukal sa loob mo, wag mong sabihin. leave it at that. in a workplace, it's perhaps ideal to aim for harmonious co-existence...dahil yung "one loving family" relationship sa office eh hindi talaga pwede sa anything beyond a 5-person workplace.

i've had the pleasure of being the leader for about two months. mahirap, sobrang toxic, pero now that it's over (oh well, at least until our new supervisor learns the ropes), frankly, i'm gonna miss it. it's fun to boss people around. hahaha!!! ewan ko nga if time will turn back when open pa ulit yung vacancy for the slot, kung mag-aapply ba ako. anyway, it's done na so i guess i should simply take pleasure for the stint. it's not as if i'll be back to doing mundane work; i am second in line naman. plus it will give me more time to focus on schooling (more on that later) and work on other portfolios (so, plural talaga).

the new supervisor will start tomorrow. i don't know what to expect...i've heard stuff na she's mabait naman, she's okay to work with. pero syempre you can't brush off anxiety and giddy expectations. frankly, on top of my head is the idea na she would feel disappointed upon finding out how and what the job really is. hindi naman sya masama pero in truth, sa umpisa lang sya super exciting, especially if you're an outsider, kasi there are bazillions of things to learn! i don't know, i may be pre-judging her...maybe this is the type of work she wants to do (clue: if you wanna slow things down in your life!)...maybe this impression is just from us, yung mga twenty somethings who are still idealistic. part of this anxiety also is my own little snooping (courtesy of google) about her credentials. a celebrity in her own right, a civic worker, a TOWNS awardee no less...oh man, i really don't know. siguro nga i should not feel or expect things for her. let her realize it for herself. kasi if she really finds na this situation is what she needs after all those years of being up and about in the society...then i should be happy di ba? malamang ilan nga lang siguro sa amin ang nag-iisip na the pasture is way greener somewhere.

~

hay, next week naman will be hell dahil sa sabay-sabay na gagawin; usual work, yung regional conference, continue stepping up habang the new supervisor is still orienting herself, my grad school application (at ang heart-wrenching nostalgia as i stepped back on the grounds of UP after almost 4 years), renewed family (or let's say, clan) activities (ang happy tlaga nung ang daming tao...for once, naenjoy ko sya! more on this later, too), and dvd marathons (more on this when i have time naman. let me just say i love my friend doris so much).

Okay, so I thought there's gonna be another big rally. I haven't seen one in a long time. I kinda miss it :) Seriously, I support the cause.

TV say: I watched Prison Break last night. It was promising. Familiar faces, like John Doe, that teacher in Boston Public and the lead in one The Twilight Zone episode I watched for 4 times when I was sick and was in bed. :) Of course that's just how I was reminded of them, I am more excited to see how the whole show would unfold.

I also watched, after a frustrating day (but that an entirely different story), american idol...back-to-back. Yes, I think there was no StarNews Asia and Friends. I wonder if that will be the case tomorrow and on Friday. Oh well, all 12 female contenders sang and my early favorites did well. Simon said that 4 contestants stood out that night and Katharine McPhee was the best of them. I kinda agree but I think it would have to be Lisa Tucker for me. I think too that the four singers he meant were Mandisa, Paris, Lisa and Katharine (in order of appearance). I could be wrong but based on his comments, the 4 stood out naman talaga. Apart from the four, I also like Ayla, Brenna (I just love the spunk!) and Kinnik. I am excited to see how the guys would do tomorrow!

Work stuff: A big bowl of crap. The associate chief editor has reminded us to keep our emotions in check and leave each and every personal angst at the office door. Well, it's one hell of a task if what makes you angsty and annoyed is in the office! Yes, we're talking about a person :) Hay, I dunno until when I can endure this. Maybe I ought to stick it out and fight na parang tooth for a tooth or something like that. I just hate scheming people kasi. If I can't love my job, just do what is expected of me, and be thankful for the salary. Yun na lang. Better to watch TV at home. Mamamatay din sya. Este yung incident pala. Who knows.

~
Plus, things come to me that made me happy.


My VF issue finally came! The photos were amazing! You can check out www.justjared.com for scans of the inside pages. I loved Dakota Fanning's classic shot. The others are awesome, too. A collector's item :)


A gift from Powerbooks. My letter was editor's pick for their magazine's (Read) current issue. Just wrote something cheesy then voila! :) It's not as if I so wanna have this but pwede na rin. Have I told you that I don't like the endings of Dan Brown's books? And that I don't own a copy of The Da Vinci Code? i plan to buy one, though. Feeling ko lang it will still be talked about in twenty or thirty years and i wanna show my future kids my own copy of the book from my time. :) Pero saka na lang.


Yay, let's have a yabang moment :) This is a beanie baby which is supposedly from the office of the President (of the U.S., obviously). I got this as a gift because I got a perfect score in a course that our whole unit took for almost 4 months. We had the exam before the end of the year then the test papers were faxed over to FSI (Foreign Service Institute) in VA. Our boss then picked up the results when she went there for training then she carried a story that she mentioned to State Department Secretary Condi Rice that someone from Manila got a perfect score in the exam...thus the token from the State Department. I dunno if it's true, and I'm not saying din naman that our boss concocted this story but...syempre blushing moment! Humility aside, I'm proud of myself. See, kaya ko naman pala. Much as I regret having to perpetually say, "I could have done better" when I was in school, I try to motivate myself by thinking of the fact that I used to be very good at this (studying and topping exams...yeah). Minsan I would have to face the truth that I might be too rusty and beyond repair, but nothing is really certain, is there? Well, my friends did well in the test also, they're almost perfect! Ano ba kasi yung question number 8 na yun eh! Nevertheless, it just goes to show, we're... yeah, good :)

Zoom!

There are just so many things to do.

I still have less than two hours but I hope to get home in time to catch what could be or could not be another historical event.

Be calm. Be vigilant. Be updated.

semi-back

I'm surviving. :)

It's been a week and yes, I am still on an extended break. A lot has happened and I really felt urges to write them down a minute after they unfolded. Eventually, the urges dropped faster than I can open the "Compose" page so they all went to my office notebook-slash-doodle pad during meetings-slash-journal scratch pages. I currently have five pages full of thoughts about the films I watched, my thoughts on recent office happenings, spoon handles in taxis, cleaning up in coffee shops, girly bars beside fellowship halls, my faster reading pace, my being so plump(ier) again, Friends re-runs, EVAT, killing someone who says bad things about my mother, and George.

I was incommunicado for the whole of yesterday, too, because my phone broke down. Much as I regret switching to Globe because of their poor signal, I am amused by their updated texts and missed calls list provided to you when your phone was off.

I am supposed to scan more pages of this magazine, which I promised a yahoo groupmate, email my sister, increase the number of my posts in the Friends forum, and read blogs but I don't want to anymore. Enough for today.

Off to go to watch Nip/Tuck (my very first) instead. Prison Break premieres on the Crime/Suspense channel (50) tomorrow at 10 pm. ETC has another Friends rerun on Sundays at 7 pm. Haven't watched Bones (Tams!) pa.

I observed that more things happened to me when I went on blog leave. Or maybe not. Maybe I just focused on blogging each of them, failing to see the other events happen because I was busy typing. I don't know. But things have turned quite a bit harsher and it was more eventful, just last week alone. I wonder what's gonna happen in the weeks to come.

Oh shoot, Nip/Tuck, yeah. I am five minutes late. See you whenever!

i will rest for a while.

while waiting for mom a while ago in a bookshop, i found myself wanting to devote more time to reading the books and magazines i bought (and borrowed). it's probably an illness of sorts that i tend to collect and collect books and magazines without even reading them. i should start picking them up and browsing the pages, although as it is, i have 5 or 6 books unfinished all stacked in my bedside table.

i felt i should give up blogging for a while because this is the only time-consuming activity that could take the backseat, given my set of priorities.

as i go on "blog leave", let me share to you my wishlist. i intend to have all of them soon, and read or watch them hopefully in this lifetime :) if any of you can help me secure any of them, particularly the dvds, please...email me :) hopefully when i regain the interest to blog, i have all of them already.

• Sophie's Choice (William Styron)
• An Instance of the Fingerpost (Iain Pears)
• The World Is Flat: A Brief History of the Twenty-First Century (Thomas L. Friedman)

• Kar Wai Wong's 2046
• Stanley Kubrick's A Clockwork Orange
• Kar Wai Wong's Chungking Express
• Robert Altman's Gosford Park
• Kaige Chen's Farewell, My Concubine
• Miguel Arteta's The Good Girl

Jennifer Aniston's Vanity Fair May 2001 and September 2005 cover issue



Vanity Fair March 2003 (Jack Nicholson, Tom Cruise, Brad Pitt, Harrison Ford, Tom Hanks, etc.)



Vanity Fair June 2003 (with Amanda Bynes, Mary-Kate & Ashley Olsen, Mandy Moore, Hilary Duff, Alexis Bledel, etc)

and kasi feeling ko cute lang kaya i've been wanting to have this:





~*~*~*

the end of the affair

hopefully, my decade-long affair with laziness and insecurity end today. they are twins and for the longest time i cannot separate myself from them. i want a divorce. no alimony necessary. i just want to change.

*this is what a fever on a work day does to you.*

***

I can't wait for the March issue of Vanity Fair. I haven't even finished reading my January issue and haven't flipped a page of this month's. Naomi Watts and Lindsay Lohan could probably wait because there will be a total barrage of more interesting people next month.

Signing off temporarily,

Grinning Shiela the Queen of Bondi Beach

turn the tv on and be happy

i didn't kick ass during the conference, alright. i was respectable, i say.

i wanted to go home immediately to escape from it all. i finally watched Lost, as in my first whole episode. then i've seen "the one with ross' tan" in Friends for the third time this week, second to this is "the one where ross is fine". guess Star World is playing with the start of the 10th season. if any of those two will be shown tonight at 11p.m. again, i'm going crazy. well, not really but i'm not just gonna watch. btw, what's the name of the female anchor of Star News Asia? she looks like Maggie Wheeler a.k.a. Janice (of Friends, sorry!). finally the AI auditions are over (and i'm glad my dinner date with the gang was postponed so i can catch the first night in hollywood screening!). i have been seeing plugs for Prison Break. was told it's a nice serial. i can't wait for it. channel 50 is getting better, even if i feel bad they lessened Murder, She Wrote airtimes. i am watching Pinoy Big Brother Celebrity Edition. yeah, i do. they're getting interesting now but not all of them. i am rooting for Bianca Gonzales, initially. then this Zanjoe guy is so cute and Mich Dulce is entertaining---kinda see a bit of myself in her, literally and figuratively. i caught Dong Puno's Viewpoint after a long time. why has the stampede got blown out of proportion? this is just too much. let them rest in peace. be accountable and let them rest in peace. some people can't just live another day without having to say something about an issue like this. and oh, three boring night in bangkok without cable tv got me into watching chinese shows now. even if i hell don't understand a thing they are saying-- i am amused! i get the storyline by watching anyway. i'm a regular of channels 58 and 62 now. try it, it's fun. now i wish we can get a real bollywood channel on cable, too (as in beyond Koffee with Karan?). i found myself missing those singing and dancing routines.

*work shouldn't take over your life. lying on your bed flipping channels can be immeasurably pleasant, it does a hell of a job cleansing your soul.

whatever.

...i just had a thought.

the associate editor had her way and went ahead with her version of the plan and subtly made a round on THE hub (which i pretentiously occupied, remember?). she must have hated the idea that i am there. because honey, i look good in there. hah! i believe i really do. it fits me. i fit it. it's all good. i can be better than you someday, you...you..you! in fact (*twirls hair*), you just have more experience but i am better than you are. at least i don't engage in character assasination like you do, that's why your other antagonists do the same to you.

let's all go eat french fries, shall we?

...and then it goes.

What do you know, apart from the e-mail, I received a call again from the associate editor reminding me NOT to do it again. Okay, I get it, I'm not dumb. I just wonder if my very pregnant pause will lead to something worse. A pause that I believe should be filled in by a resounding "sorry". I did not do it. I just said, "Okay. Bye." Might as well not say it if you do not mean it than continuously feed one's ego by saying so. Sorry is the worst word in the world.

So, my day is already ruined. I can't promise but I will kick asses later this afternoon in the conference because of this. I so hate it when something obviously understood is being rammed in my face just so I would obey.

If I said it once that I understood, it means I did. My evil bones tend to disobey if something is constantly reminded to me over and over again.

Karma comes via overnight delivery.

It must be the pompous assumption that I will enjoy gripping THE seat that an hour after the close of business yesterday, I was balked at for subtle insubordination. It's something trivial that you will look like a total idiot if you try to defend yourself and be angry to death. There was apparently a mistake on my part, something I didn't even recognize. The moral of the story? Do not bypass (if you "forgot", you're busted) your associate editor who controls the key to the vault of your performance evaluation.

Now THE seat makes me uncomfortable.

~
P.S. It's someone special's birthday today. Sheesh, the height of my madness.

i, ambitious wretch.

i discovered that i am a superficial career...person. now i lust after my ex-editor's desk, it being my self-appointed sanctuary for a little while now. my own hub was cleaned free of countless unimaginable dirt, all right, but i still won't leave THE desk, joking that i want to get the feel of it. a real wretch. i admit to getting all pretentious and pompous because i really like the idea of a bigger table, having enough space whenever i turn. it's not about the position title, people. it's about the space you own. your own domain. *evil grin*

seriously, as i tread the polluted streets of manila every night on my way home, i try to confirm with myself if i regret that i did not apply to fill in THE seat. there's got to be a reason why i get all whiny inside with the thought of THE desk becoming occupied by someone else again. is it because i am slowly getting used to this temporary "filling in"? am i liking the power-tripping that goes with it, i.e., toying with who to forward what case, much to the dread of three wonderful people? the idea of having to give the "approval", no matter how mundane the activity is? i still have roughly around 25 work days before THE space becomes unavailable--and only holy cows know until when it would stay that way. i thought, factors that led me to not go for THE desk are still on the horizon: frustrating office politics (lowlife style) and impending studies. nothing's changed in that aspect, unless the very core of it did: i now want it. i can't answer that now. and even if i do and it gears toward the "i want it after all" side...it's too late. then again, no one knows. i may just be itching for a bigger work area, especially after seeing that someone has a rather big cube of his own. i'm a normal human being after all...salivating for what you saw that gave you a sudden envy rush without thinking ahead if it will fit you anyway.

for now, i am not to give up THE desk, no matter what they say. let me get tired of it until the first week of march. i will.

in addition, THE desk could help me reverse what could be a lasting impression. see, i think it was the third time this year (this early, yes) that our super publisher caught me yakking and yakking. he must be thinking, "this fat girl is not doing anything but yak." well, it's about one-third true. so apart from actually working more seriously (THE desk, remember, THE desk!), i resolve to carry a case file with me when i feel like blabbing to my staff. it's a very professional way of making chismis during office hours. the ability to insert an office jargon as soon as the door opens is definitely an asset that should be honed for life.

already second in command, i should be satisfied, shouldn't i? after all, i was offered to lead but turned it down. other openings are looming and i may need to do coin-tossing a hundred times before jumping into them. if the others won't pay as much or better, and if i won't have my version of THE desk, then i should just try to be happy where i am. see, it's not about that dignity crap and fulfillment hullabaloos, really.

it's about the MONEY and THE desk. *wipes drool*

i bet my emotional quotient dropped way too low tonight.

taking it easy

i am taking it easy. it's hard to explain if you do not want others to fully understand it in the first place. particularly if it's as personal as an agreement between yourself and...yourself. i realized i am doing things impulsively and while i feel satisfied (i think), i thought of going to the other end of the "metaphorical tunnel" and take each thing easy as it comes. kumbaga, relax lang. alalay lang. i could seize more moments this way.

no more focusing on one thing at a certain moment, virtually forgetting the others. try everything that's there because honestly, this lifetime isn't enough to experience them all. no more trying to make my presence felt all the time just to let others know that "i am there". no more trying to relay everything that i know just so others would know that i do.

in short, i have to learn to be secure with myself. never mind if i become a person on the backseat. never mind if people do not see that i know many things about a lot of stuff (not that i do, i mean, only about specific stuff of interest). what's important is that i am here, i know stuff, and i enjoy them. it's not written anywhere that i have to be transparent as it all the more makes me prone to insecurity, arrogance and envy all at the same time (see, you probably don't see it in me. uhm, do you?).

life is short, as evidenced by tragic events and natural deaths. i could regret it in my grave reviewing everything i did and finding out that i experienced many things by dipping my finger into them... but not finishing practically most of them.

it could be the reason why at the end of the day, i still feel incomplete. it's good i realized it this early.

short stuff

i saw carol banawa for about two seconds on american idol. per pex, it was indeed her but she didn't get in.

my favorite video clip lately is jennifer aniston's skit in saturday night live in '04 where she
played a paparazzi with amy poehler. it was so hilarious especially when the "razzi" her was bashing "jennifer aniston" on the red carpet. so funny.

i am going to watch memoirs of a geisha next friday courtesy of leahmay's invite. mamie and edith invited us though for the black history month show that same day albeit earlier. my friday nights are kinda moving, no matter how...uhm... un-outgoing it appears. at least.

erwin has a girlfriend! i was supposed to tell him about someone he used to text but i just said i'm happy for him coz he finally snagged his neighbor. hahaha. i so miss the guy. he gets what i'm trying to say by just giving him a blank face (J: oh, i am a fan of Friends now. E: friends? J: *blank stare while hand acts as if it's trying to explain* E: *wonders aloud* Ah...Friends. okay, okay.). plus, he is one of the very few people of the opposite sex whom i can show the real me. the palengkera, shallow and matakaw me. all that and more without hesitations. hoy, manlibre ka na next week. wala ka nang rason para hindi kami pakainin.

chelli called and said 'hi' to everyone who had been her colleagues and at the same time my still unfortunate co-workers until now.

i cleaned up my phone inbox. i totally forgot why i am keeping more than 180 messages from someone from last year. kagulat. i must have been crazy keeping even a mere" psst" or "i'm home na" text, parang, huh? but before erasing them all, of course, i found myself smiling. last year was kinda fun. i wouldn't have traded it for anything. it was good, it's just that this year's probably better. and yes, sobrang natatawa tlaga ako. imagine ang messages ng ibang tao, yung mga heartwarming forwarded quotes from people na hindi ko nai-save just to keep them? nge. medyo mabilis na ulit ang phone ko ngayon.

tonight's AI audition was kinda boring compared to last night's in vegas. one funny quote: "whatever happened in vegas...goes to my website!!!" (the guy got in; he was the gondola...uhm...driver? i dunno what's it called!).

friday. friday na naman. friday na agad.

would you believe?

that i'm down to three to four sane screws bolted in my head to hold my sanity together. i'm going crazy in no time if i continue to be so understaffed. pakshet talaga, hindi na ito makatao. i must have answered gazillions of letters addressing different nonimmigrant effing visa issues. at ang tao ko, palaging 2 lang o 3. pero wa-i choice ang beauty ni judie. go pa rin :<

seeing wency made me happy! a relief. see, ganyan ako ka-lousy ngayon, ang caliber ni wency eh nagpapasaya na saken. hahaha. hay nako. we have to talk, pare. seriously. tungkol dun kay ano. isa pang pakshet yon. *smirks*

i still have not recovered financially. even if nothing's changing with my pay statement, it's still a consolation to see it, especially yung "net pay" na line (well, pati yung "leave balance" but can you even attempt to think to take one, given this situation? hmp.). what's worse, when i break down what i'll receive, parang pulubi na ako, huhuhu. isa pa nga: pakshet (i'm starting to love this word. i heard it from Em last friday and from Rach last Saturday. hehe.)

i miss bangkok. hala, ayan na. i was terribly upset for a time when i was there pero habang tumatagal, i'm starting to think that i really missed a lot dahil super nag-inarte sa melancholy ang drama ko. i didn't even take much pics! when i see other's bkk pics, i feel so inggit. hay. i'm going back there. and you know what? kahit walang kasama ulet, okay na ko. hmph.

citibank hasn't cleared my check. it's ruining my financial plan. naks, kala mo ang extensive. but it is. i'm so tempted to use the money na!!!! brrr!!! ma-clear ka naaaaaa!!!!!

it's 6 p.m. and i'm not done working. there are jillions of things to do pa.

pakshet.

messed up

my friend carolina sent me a text message all the way from malaysia (although i believe she's just somewhere in quezon city, sorry dear). she said, "i am so happy. an orgasm is the best thing that could happen to you on a bleak sunday afternoon." gah. no, she's not had what you're thinking. she's more virgin than i am, haha. she's talking about something else. although at the back of my mind, i am toying with the idea of literally having what she had. haha, i'm such a...carnivore? hahaha! *wink*

i am so messed up, and would continue to be one starting tomorrow. i feel like floating forever. i raided ukay ukay shops again without thinking if i will be able to wear what i bought in the first place. i bought bookmarks. i bought magazines. i bought a pirated copy of cake and city of god. and i bought the second volume of the great political theories. haaaa, neat, eh? i don't know why i did those things. i am floating again.

yesterday, i found out that rachel also loves jennifer aniston. so fun. :) i'm on a roll lately catching up on what this woman has been doing for the past decade and a half. i am a total latebloomer of a...fan. while i get smirks and scoffs over this fan thing, it's something that i can't avoid. i'm sure those who have been or is a fan of some celebrity would understand. like, did f4 fans instantly like the boys (well, they were practically boys then!) when meteor garden started airing? i guess not. it's something that just came one day, like after watching an episode. with me, i noticed it's a "reviving" thing. like when i so liked kris aquino and korina sanchez ;) see, they had morning girls and i practically recorded each and every episode everyday for 16 months but i can trace the fascination back when i was in grade school during their hoy gising days, when i thought being a newscaster is the greatest career one can have. i stopped liking them because i moved on to other stuff only to watch them one day and get all interested once again. the same thing happened to jen and the cast of friends. i was all but 13 when i started watching them every wednesday on ABC 5. i followed them for two seasons until, well, i forgot about them and moved on to another (ally mcbeal). when i was idling my saturday afternoons four months ago watching their classic episodes on etc, i just realized i missed so much i better catch up. which i did, and i have been so busy ever since ;) i found an A-1, super amazing all-about-Friends-and-more website so i forget about a lot of things lately :) i've been sleeping around 3 a.m. on weekends, downloading and watching past episodes of oprah, SNL, ellen, et, larry king live, TTS with jay leno, LN with conan o'brien, gag reels, and many more. i am so grateful i am on wifi now.

so i'm still messed up. bear with it. off to download more stuff.

bye.

oh, a mosquito *snap*.

used up

had only 5 hours of sleep. watched rumor has it. so-so film but it's what i need on a supposed rest day. rachel hinted that she's so bored. i decided to meet her at G4. we ate at cibo while talking about our respective trips for two hours. i went with her to have her taiwan pics transferred. had coffee and chocolate cake and talked about our bosses and colleagues, petty job complaints, f4, eric tu, machi and her deranged friend. window shopped. browsed what's showing in G4 and ended up going to G1 to watch...tadaa..don't give up on us. i'm on the edge of being penniless so rachel treated me, haha.

on it's third week of run in theaters, piolo and judy ann's movie probably deserves to be a box office hit. of course it still has a lot of loose ends (as with rumor has it) but unless there's a perpetual best of the best quality film festival going on, this movie could pass as a great stress reliever. it's funny, it's light, it's kilig. rachel and i were gushing in all the right moments, hehehe!!!

after seeing the movie, it made me think if i don't really want to have someone with me right now. well, it's true that no matter how much you want something if there's none available, then it won't really happen. however, i realized that maybe, a little part of all of us forever wants that cute feeling involved in giving and receiving affection to and from someone. sometimes, adults overdo it and tend to go all carnal and intimate, which could also be considered (above) normal. most of the time, cheesy gestures can really melt my heart. *sigh*

on the other hand, rachel and i both agreed while in the theater that the "i'll go with you because i love you/you should go with me to prove that you love me" compromise isn't all the time for the best. maybe it's because both of us do want to achieve something and having to encounter someone like piolo's character who dreams, say, "simple things", can be a bit of a hassle. maybe we can say this now because we haven't really gone into that moment of having to choose. who knows? (but i hope we won't. )

we went home just as the mall is preparing to close. it was fun. it was a rather productive saturday.

and oh, rachel also gave me rayan's pasalubong-slash-birthday gift. nuxx, kenneth cole croc wallet. friend, is that you? then he said may part 2 pa. sana croc bag na. woohoo :) joke!

to end, let me just share something mushy that i can't get over it :

"I am not here to tell you that I can't live without you. I can live without you. I just don't want to." - Sarah Huttinger (Rumor Has It)

literalpanicblingbling25pictures

after a very tiring 11-hour workday, i conditioned myself to meet with my highschool BFFs :) two were missing-in-action but it was fantastic nonetheless. one of the many things i thought of during my irrational hiatus is my often-denied need to reconnect and stay in touch with people from my past.

it was a very warm dinner at caffe milano. by the way, the food had quite gone down, quality-wise. when we ate there for lunch probably a year ago, it was sooo good. the second one was just satisfactory and tonight, well, it has become an ordinary italian dining place to me (but the ambience was still great). i insisted we get my favorite pizza corea (four types of cheese, salami, italian beef) but i was disappointed with their ravioli d' (something). for one, i've been used to raviolis that are square-shaped (well, i grew up having raviolis straight from a can, haha). theirs looked more like big elbow-shaped macaronis, in red sauce and ricotta cheese, and the beef inside each ravioli (raviolette? hehe.) was elllllll....the texture of the beef was a bit uncomfortable inside the mouth. llll.

anyway, more than the food, i was thrilled to hear the things i've missed about my friends' lives, and of people we know. neds' boyfriend was there but of course was still too shy to co-bash the universe with us (he, btw, ranked 4th in the recent dentistry licensure exam, and neds passed, too! congrats!). see, living away from them had me wanting a barrage of updates about a lot of things, people and events. i've been away for almost eight years! time wasn't enough because their lives and mine alone, dinner time wouldn't suffice.

in sum, our lives are eventful and good. lyndsey even had a "brief" lovelife...well, it was a shock when she was making kuwento about the guy because since time immemorial, she never had that. i shared my own foolish exploits last year but compared to what she went through, mine was okay. ang bottomline, she's only about 85% healed while i can proudly say i completely am. as in. in a way, may similarities sa circumstances, but i guess those stuff made the experience more...ah...realistic?

over coffee, we started fooling around like we used to in highschool. some good things never do change. there are actions that no matter how old you get, you still feel naturally comfortable doing especially when with people that you know know you inside out. all of a sudden nga lang, the thought of striking 25 made us wonder. well, i just turned 24 and in our group, my bestfriend em is the first among us who will turn 25 in august. that's what i told her naman...sa august pa. pero kahit na daw. she'll be 25...and it will only be a couple of months after that na each of us will turn 25, too. em and lynds were particularly a bit bothered...especially with their personal lives. neds is happily attached to robert, si tzai is, as far as i know, happy with her life, and lizette, whom i have not seen in a while eh happy din. then there's moi, who i said na masaya din naman. hah, easy for me to say but like what i told them, even if i'm single, hindi ko naman nararamdaman yung nafifeel nila. wanna know why? because last year, my heart has been through a hell of an emotional exercise. i have no one beside me pero like a machine, parang it was used, therefore has been oiled sufficiently to weather its usage, kahit hindi naman technically nagkaroon ng production, parang ganon.

in truth, i don't feel as pressured with life as i had been two years ago. i could probably panic when i reach my thirties...or not. well, i opened myself to dating naman, as my friends did open themselves as well. in fact, i'm not really into it seriously pero kung may ipapa-date naman sa akin, preferably yung type ko na na chubby at please, sana naman yung may sense kausap at hindi masyado self-centered. but i'm not looking, hahaha!!! i'm even more concerned with how to have the time to download all pertinent Friends videos through the years, and how safe it is to use limewire :)

i maybe 24 but now i realize that life isn't to be taken in a rush. savor each moment, take it slow sometimes, because there are too many things to look at, experience, think about.

and there will be countless moments worth to be captured:

two blurred images of us, girls. robert&neds, the two new dentists. the happy couple with lynds. em and i goofing around with the breads. em and lynds getting wacky with my lariats. sticking out my tongue. was too busy straining my neck to stare at the lady's book holder behind me.

distracted

i'm all ready to blog about BKK when i was distracted again by my new downloads of the Oprah episodes where she had the cast of Friends (Nov '03 and May '04) and "The Stuff You've Never Seen Before" episode with Conan O'Brien in 2001. they're just so cool to watch; i even teared on some parts. hayyy...still on my number 1 fan mode! :)

i'm sure this has been posted a lot already but let me post an excerpt of the news again:

Seminal sitcom FRIENDS is returning to television after each of its six stars agreed multi-million dollar deals to star in four one-hour specials.

In a secret meeting before Christmas (05), JENNIFER ANISTON, COURTENEY COX, LISA KUDROW, MATT LeBLANC, DAVID SCHWIMMER and MATTHEW PERRY reportedly agreed a $5 million (GBP2.7 million) apiece deal with NBC bosses in Los Angeles.

Scriptwriters have already started penning lines for the four double episodes, which are due to air next year (2006).

great, great news that i hope pushes through. i know it was jennifer aniston who was the last to agree. i personally think that a reunion show can be fitting after, like, 5 years. but what the heck, it's been 2 years by the time it hopefully airs so what's 3 years short? :) a lot has missed them so much!

off to download gag reels now...

(bituing walang ningning is showing now on cinema one. haha.)

sawasdee!

i'm back. i have so many mixed feelings about this trip i can't begin to write them down. well, i know what i should and should not write but i was taken away by my current addiction to a sturdy Friends forum that i am putting off this update for a while.

i am officialy 24, single, fat but happy.

see you whenever :)

TOW funny lines

i am supposed to be typing Sandy's employee evaluation tonight. but hey, i'm not. i'm actually pretty sleepy now and i still won't nudge. my boss will probably kill me when i return.

on my post earlier today, i made one glaring spelling error. i am so proud so i turn blind to all other grammatically incorrect wordings i have, hehe. just that one. i'm even too lazy to edit "it". i am typing a new entry anyway so i'll just point that yes, i did notice that wrong spelling.

my mommy's got an email address now. finally :) her yahoo username cracked me up. it's so her.

speaking of cracking up, among the gazillions of funny lines in Friends, i was so laughing hysterically at this line from Phoebe...

the scene was this: (it's season 10) Phoebe (Lisa Kudrow) is getting married and they decided to hold it outside Central Perk as it was the aftermath of a very bad snowstorm. it was naturally freezing cold. As she prepares to go out, she removed her kinda flowery winter coat and revealed that she's dressed in a really fancy wedding dress (she's so sexy, imo). The convo with
Chandler (Matthew Perry), who's to walk her down the "aisle" went:

Chandler: Wow! Aren't you gonna be cold?

Phoebe: I don't care... I'll be my something blue.

if you did not find it funny, uhm...go watch Friends. you will understand me. hehe.

plus, the wedding vows were heartwarming. Phoebe's marrying Mike Hannigan (played by the former topnotcher in my hottie list, Paul Rudd), and the vows went:

Phoebe: When I was growing up, I didn't have a normal mom and dad, or a regular family like everybody else, and I always knew that something was missing. But now I'm standing here today, knowing that I have everything I'm ever gonna need... You are my family. (She then puts the ring on Mikes finger)

Mike: Phoebe, you're so beautiful. You're so kind, you're so generous. You're so wonderfully weird. Every day with you is an adventure, and I can't believe how lucky I am, and I can't wait to share my life with you forever. (He puts the ring on Phoebe's finger.)

see, when i start, i can't really stop. eto, last na lang, this was from season 3; the "friends" were talking:

Chandler: Do you think that there’s a town in Missouri or some place called Sample? And as you’re driving into town there’s like a sign, and it says “You’re in Sample.”

~*~

i'll be 24 in 27 hours. i am so old.

look who's...

happy. i am! i'm on wi-fi now. hehe :) as much as i regret placing virtually all service guys in my "you're gonna screw me up" bin, i can't help it tlaga. good thing God sends me people who are trustworthy enough and gets the job really done. at least, hindi naman siguro sayang yung tip ko :)

annoying. the barangay officials of chromium street!!! last night, they spent a great deal of banging on walls and walking on rooftops to allegedly have the banderitas up for the upcoming fiesta. then it turned out hindi naman pala nila ginawa, ewan baka nag-moonlight tripping lang sila kagabi sa mga bubong ng mga bahay namin.

guilty. ako pa rin! my boss will be away from the 23rd, the first day of my return to the office so she wants to see Sandy's employee evaluation write-up before that. eh i'll be gone nga for the whole week so naturally i have to get it to her within this week. and until now, di ko masimulan...ang dyahe naman kung nasa middle ako ng vacation tas i'm typing away an employee evaluation. how pathetic is that? pero...do i have an alternative? syempre wala. kaya i must send it tonight. harumph.

back. Rayan is! ang dami nyang kuwento parang hindi nya alam saan mag-start, hehe. sobrang happy kasi eh :) kahit his two new pants were stolen (aawww :D). excited din naman ako to hear his stories but i just had to make my other ear listen to wowowee on a nearby tv kasi nakakaawa yung contestants, hahaha!!! i told him to arrange his US pics in chronological order then show it to me na lang when i return. of course, the most important thing in this whole Rayan thing is...may pasalubong sya sa akin. hehe:) i will like it coz it's better than tigger daw? hmmm. si George Clooney na naka-bow tie lang? wow, thanks, wipee :) and he's looking for blog updates...so sige, you're back in the mailing list, you happy person you! :)

impatient. my friend na itago na lang natin sa pangalang Nathaniel, buwahaha. he asked for something from someone. aba, hindi pa nakuntento na inaccomodate yung request nya on such a short notice and even after the fact na tapos na yung deadline, parang sya pa yong pissed off kasi ang tagal ng result. ano buzz :) i know it's easy to advice and close friends will rub it on my face that i am having a hard time na isabuhay yung mga advices ko sa iba. nevertheless, Nate, impatient ka, alam mo yon? mas mabilis daw maubos ang buhok ng mga taong ganyan, hala ka.

bored. i am. kung kelan pa mabilis na ang internet connection, saka pa tinamad, how weird. nakarami na rin naman ako ng nadownload na Friends guestings and tv appearances :) i better find something on the web to be fascinated with so hindi naman sayang.

bye.

something doesn't feel right

let me tell you how this day went. i watched Friends on dvd as soon as i woke up and began munching on my cereals. after four hours, the smart wifi guys came and for two hours they pissed me off. when they left, i took a very quick shower (no time for encore singing in the bathroom this time) then watched Friends again for another six hours. pretty eventful, isn't it?

okay, now i'm still on dial-up. my dilemma with these installer guys (see dairycreamer's post) were just, i dunno, probably something that a technology-handicapped person like me can't just understand? i doubt if they would even return tomorrow. i don't know if i did the right, but for them bitchy, thing of writing and signing a reminder that "will need to return on Jan. 15 to complete installation" on their official installation acknowledgement sheet. all i wanna know now is, do i deserve this, having a wi-fi installer on an off-colored jersey who looked like he was snatched off a basketball game down the block (seriously), getting all screwed up with my PC lacking this and that crap after repeated calls for affirmation from Smart's "technical support group" that i'm all set to be 'wifi'd', while all i ever wanted is to have faster internet connection and as such, has sacrificed paying another thousand monthly from hereon??? do i???

i'm really gonna stop blabbing how this failed wi-fi thing has upset me because it won't get fixed no matter how much i rant here, or like even if i wish that other wi-fi users get all messed up, too. ha-ha.

let me see, one thing different now in the house is my mom's absence. she told me about her plan of going to my grandmother's this weekend and she has just done so...though this morning, when i asked her groggily when she'll be back, she said maybe monday...or tuesday (in a very unsure voice). see, my mom and i got into this little discussion about something then it was flamed further by my decision to go ahead with this trip on (for) my birthday. i planned it two months ago and until the first week of this month, she hasn't made up her mind if she wants to come or if she does, where we will go. finally, she suggested that we should postpone the trip and just go maybe on her birthday or around the middle of the year...to which i said no. i know it's too selfish, too rude and probably too insensitive for some of you but hey, it's my birthday...it's a plan i had and if i don't go, i'm telling you, there is really no clear-cut assurance that we're actually gonna go in the coming months. so she felt bad and did not speak to me for two days. she spoke to me again when i fyi'd her that i was gonna pay for my ticket and hotel reservation already where she only replied a meek "OO".

so now, i am facing a 4-day adventure in a not-so-foreign land, alone, and on a tight budget. i don't plan to splurge but of course, that i cannot say with absolute certainty. probably mom's also worried about that on top of feeling bad about my leaving her behind. i don't know what to expect, actually. but i'll survive. i was told by two people that going alone is too stupid and crazy while a few also told me that it's gonna be okay...so i'm fine with that already. see, if i got opinions all only on one side of this decision, then that should creep me out. i still have no real plans once i get there, as my most pressing concern is for mom to be back before tuesday (and i kinda remember telling her this while half-awake) because i need the keys to get either my ATM card (mom still keeps them, i'm in too much temptation if they're in my safekeep) or $200 (you know, in case some wussiness happens, at least i have backup funds, hehe). i am really a heartless daughter, don't you think?

so i'm here now, still on dial-up, typing away because i have to give my dvd player a break (which reminds me i should get a pirated player, the cheapest one, because that could solve my non-working dvds problem!), we still have no cable TV connection, i'm not sleepy yet, i'm too lazy to read (huh, is this me?), and...i dunno. something just makes me a bit uncomfortable. something's just not right. and i know it's so beyond Friends or not having wi-fi yet.

the trouble with smart...and me?

i promised myself i'm going to be more patient with delayed services and other irresponsible actions with regard to anything i ordered or purchased. but i can't. and i still snap easily, like, if the reasonable time until a reasonable person snaps should be after two hours, my current "detonation" is after mga 2 seconds. anger management training, i still need badly.

to think, hindi naman super hassle yung nangyari. well, "hassle" is pretty relative. here it is, you be the judge.

last week, i paid for my smart wi-fi installation. i was told someone will call me to schedule the installation. after two days, someone did. i was scheduled on january 10, yesterday, after bargaining for january 7 sana. they can't daw, a lot are in queue na, so sige, okay lang. yesterday, i called smart twice and on both occasions i got confirmation na scheduled nga ako yesterday for installation. nakauwi na lang ako sa bahay at lahat, wala. on my third call, i was given the ,"ma'am, marami po kasing naka-line up na iinstallan" to probably mean, "hindi lang ikaw ang kliyente namin, maghintay ka naman." and this was around 7 p.m. na. galeng no? so alas-otso, alas-nueve, wala.

this morning, some raul, an impertinent raul called the house casually saying, "wala pa ho kayong antenna sa smart kaya hindi kayo nakabitan." i called them back and ano ba namang mga contractors yon, alam mo yung parang mga nakahilata lang sila sa office at tinatamad lahat. i need to know a few things, and the corresponding replies fumed me.

"i called smart TWICE, confirmed na yesterday ang schedule bakit hindi kayo dumating?"

"eh kasi po...(talking to companion, "bakit nga ba?" "itanong mo kung taga-saan"), ma'am, anong street po kayo?"

"chromium."

"(to companion, "chromium daw, hanapin mo nga meron ba", then after a while) ah ma'am, kahapon nga po kayo pero coding pala kami kaya hindi kami nagpunta."

"at bakit wala man lang nagsabi na hindi kayo dadating?"

"eh....atsaka wala pa po kayong antenna!!!!"

"anong antenna?"

"yun pong galing sa smart...yun pong ano, yung para maikabit yung internet..."

"walang sinabi sa akin ang smart pagbayad ko na kailangan ko ng antenna."

"kailangan po yon eh."

"sino ang tatanggap non, ako o kayo?"

"ah...kayo po...?"

"ako o kayo??!!"

"kayo po. tapos iseschedule po ulit pag meron na."

at mahaba pang exchange so i would know if he really knows what he's talking about. at one point, nagmura ako talaga. minura ko yung kausap ko. if only for that na sobra na kasi nagtatatalak na nga ako di ba bakit kailangang magmura, i felt guilty for a while...but anyway...see, i was never told of that friggin' antenna, whatever it is. i paid, was asked to wait to be scheduled, was given a list of requirements which are mostly computer specs, and accomodate the installer people when they come, that's all. so, negligence yon sa part ng smart, tama ba? pero the contractors should practice good customer service so it would seep into their bone marrows naman dahil as the classic impression goes, they represent smart pa rin. well, dito rin sa amin, the mistakes of our call center contractor bounce back without us knowing bakit sila nagsabi o gumawa ng nakakawindang sa client. hmph.

anyway, i called smart again and was told that this will be "elevated" to the "higher support group" (dahil baka lower support group ang nag-handle nung una? hay). so ang ending, i should have been expecting pala for a darn equipment before mainstall. major buwisit talaga. then i have to "wait" for a notice na malamang sa hindi means ako din naman dapat mag-followup sa kanila ulit na parang ako pa ang may utang na loob ganung ako na nga ang tumangkilik ng produkto nila. tapos sinasabi ng iba maikli ang pisi ko? aba naman. sa halagang dalawang libong peso at "low price" ng 988 kada buwan, ganitong serbisyo ang ibibigay sa'yo. hah.

before i end, eto pa pala, yung hilong contractor pa, hiritan ba naman ako sa tonong "gaano ba kaimportante yang tawag mo?" ng (nung panahong hindi pa tumataas yung boses ko), "KAHAPON NGA PO KAYO NAKA-SCHEDULE, ANO PONG PROBLEMA??" o di ba, ang sarap salaksakin ng pruning shears. hmmmppphhhh!!!! anong problema???? yun lang namang "kahapon" eh tapos na!!! *haaaaaaaaaaahhh!!*

stafette

* the smart wi-fi guys stood me up. hmph. letch.

* i am going to travel alone, it seems.

* either ^ or i'll be up there at the peak of Mt. Pulag on my 24th birthday. if i can find people to come, i'll drop my trip abroad. seriously.

* i'm so inggit with Rachel she has everything planned na...oh well, what's new with me. sis, sama na lang tayo sa KL pagkatapos ng midyear bonus. char :)

* stooopppp the maaadddneeeessssssssss...(my work is killing me. i want a change! total overhaul! but with the same or better pay! ambisyosa!)

* i gained 5 pounds over the holidays. my tummy and my face show it's more like 10-15 lbs. but it's really just 5. unless our bathroom scale is a pathological liar.

* syet, 24 na ako next week. i always have this feeling na pag nag-24 ka ang bilis na non papuntang 30. parang pag Wednesday na, ang bilis na mag-Friday. hala. stooopp the maaaddneeessss...

song in my head: Smelly Cat by Phoebe Buffay (fan! fan! fan!)

the one with the update
(see how much i am so hooked on FRIENDS?)

January 3 - back to work. was in-charge. do i care? well, do i have a choice in the first place? there you go. told them i am so hooked on friends they should expect me to blab about the show and jennifer aniston more often. signed up to go wifi (san andres bukid, wifi! wahu.) got my pastelitos from rachel. yummy. had dinner alone. i like it when servers recognize me as a regular but when they ask me why am i alone, parang, uhm, what do you care? this dinner was when nick lachey was singing i do over and over and the muted tv shows star wars. so it's like nick is serenading yoda, something like that. so cinematic.

January 4 - got some money. the bosses met with all of us pinoy staff. requested for overtime but was denied and instead was offered an alternative where they can't really understand why you just need effing two days of OT work and no need for coaching and other bullshit that on the rebound accuses us in a way of not having trust on other people's ability. naman. there are tasks that are not hard but are cumbersome. hindi ko sinasabing mahirap, in fact, madali nga, pero kahit papano may rules pa din ang "simple task" na yon na bago mo maimpart sa tutulong sayo, eh sana ikaw na lang ang gumawa at malamang eh tapos na rin agad. mahirap ba maintindihan? ako kasi hindi naman nahirapan. had dinner with my mom and my cousins who came from palau. paid smart for the wifi thingie.

January 5 - payday but i didn't feel it. paid for the stuff i ordered (once i liked someone, in a "fan" fashion, i act fast). my travel plan is still...a plan. can't make up my mind as to where to go while rachel is all geared up for taipei. she needs to return there by march again. then she said we can plan going to KL, too. this is if the may '06 plan to cambodia won't push through. see, so many trips to take, so little time...and most all, so little money!!! i found out that E2 greeted me 'happy new year' pala. hehe kilig :) the result of the alternative workplan was a load of crap dumped on me. fffuu...so ako dapat mag-OT para matapos din yon. hay....good thing i bought magazines with (you probably know who by now) on them. i had to cancel on rachel again which made me feel so bad but i just had to. sorry sis. it's just that her errand seemed too tiring for me kaya nga sabi ko hindi na tlaga ako mag-invite, just let it happen :( then i learned something that will be known sooner or later. i only told rachel and jacs this time because otherwise i'm gonna explode. can't keep something that major to myself lang. but i am confident with them naman. si jacs pa with our biatchy sarcasm text session which i regretfully had to end hanging. let me reply to you jacs with, "uhm, tim???"

January 6 - received something from my 'savings'. can't finalize my travel yet. i only got a week. work is still a source of stress. chelli called. i wanna be with her right now if only for the chika she missed. let's go to fresno, haha. i told her about ebay-ing during office hours...see, she saw i haven't changed...di pa rin ako nagtatrabaho tlaga, haha. i just had to hear it from her, the classic chelli way of telling me i'm so baduy...and it like opened a can of affirmation that yes, i am baduy. haha...and i so lavette. was supposed to meet up with a travel agent but decided to go have dinner again with the other staff. this time an officer came and a hell lot of beans were spilled, hehe. but like what sandy said, unless we do something about "it", it will never end. magulo, magulo. i am disillusioned not just with the boss but with the work itself. it became too plain. if only i have a better option. i released my pent up disappointment by eating. i'm having too much caffeine, too. then just when i just mumbled something about missing Rayan all of a sudden, aba may text sya pag-uwi ko asking for help. well, ano ba bago, hahaha (apir tayo, friend!) but at least i talked to him. i asked him, "happy?" sumagot sya, "very." that said it all. at least yung plan nya nasunod pa rin. hoy, bumalik ka ha, isusumbong kita sa fraud unit namin pag hindi ka bumalik! hahaha :) pagdating nga lang baka may asawa na. hah! hmm.

***
so...can you tell me if i can get kahit a burned copy of the Nov. 20, 2003 episode of Oprah? it's when she interviewed the cast of Friends mga 7 months prior to Friends' last episode. i read the transcript and i felt sad na naman. hay. i really wanna have it. then seasons 4 to 9 of my set are bad...maybe it's just with my player, sabi nung iba. i am thinking of buying a pirated dvd player kasi baka doon mag-work sya. so sad tlaga...ang karma chameleon, expedited processing na talaga, hahaha. window release pa, with a purple stub :)

short, direct, could be shocking

thanks to Jerry and Ate Cathy. i will still blog and hopefully get rid of all my pretentiousness because jologs blogging is really me. hehe.

last year (kala mo antagal na nung last year!), i made a list of things i plan to successfully embark on in 2005. the result?

:: Less Starbucks. - successful! i had less reading time last year and only indulged in the caffeine mania to get my 2006 planner.

:: Work harder. - uhm...i dunno.

:: Enroll in a post-graduate course or any certificate class. - enrolled in a basic Spanish class in Instituto Cervantes but did not finish it. i wonder what major thing could have happened had i attended the last 4 sessions.

:: Eat more vegetables. - i can't believe i actually wrote this down. parang pang-"eat na your veggies, honey, open your mouth, here's the train, choo choo..."

:: Read more books. - did not top my record last year. i only managed to finish 20 books in 2005.

:: Go out more. - maybe i did. not that i have a real social life now but it's basically moving.

:: Engage in a sport. - got into boxing! thankful to Rachel. i stopped though but i plan to go back because i am really heavy again.

:: Don't gossip. - errr...i dunno how to address this one. gossiping is, well, subjective. i dunno. i could have kept my mouth shut or otherwise. who cares?

:: Watch movies. - yup i did watch more than what i did in 2004. both dvds and in the theaters. Rachel and Lalaine (and oh, myself, in many movies) were my movie buddies.

:: Save money. - i think i did but it was because of my Mom. i mean she's handling the money all along that's why i got to open my OWN dollar account whose activity i have to work on because it's not a real big sum of money. wala pa sa interest ng ibang dollar account owners, hahaha.

and a few things i did...things i had been:

:: i've mellowed down on this celebrity but i still like her to bits. priorities change but admiration doesn't go away that easy, especially if there is no concrete reason to.

:: i used to blab about liking this politician but in truth, what i love is his affair with another celebrity i also like. i ended up falling for his political officer; a feeling which, thank God, has subsided about 95% when the year ended. thankfully, because not only it's too far-fetched to happen, i saw it for myself that i cannot handle if fate played on me in it's very weird way and say, "o sige nga, what if naging kayo?" hay...sometimes, when you recover from the dizziness of falling in love, you see flaws and clashing attitudes that will make you decide na it's not really meant to happen but...a big but, to be fair, it does not change the other truth that you admire the person. so not to allude him as someone who's hard to be with, kasi he's actually a very wonderful guy. i'm glad that my feelings elevated into something that is of a great friendship na lang, and i can say we happily share it now, so i'm happy na. happy na rin siya. hooray for right-on-time reality stings!

:: i applied for a credit card. it's not been approved but of course it would be. hahaha. di pa lang approved kasi i filed it two working days before the year ends!

:: i cried and shed more tears than i did in, perhaps, the past 5 years combined. my emotional muscles have been in constant use since mga april 2005 ata. it's healthy. good for the heart. therapeutic.

:: i mapped out my life at least until the next five years. nothing's been concrete, lahat are still blueprints but at least i have two or more options ready. galing no. hehe.

:: i tried hard to get the boxed set of Friends, all 10 seasons of it (thankie, Doris!) before Christmas, at least. i did and the year ended and another started with me laughing my heart out. sobrang saya, haha. and bite me, sue me, but i can't help it--i'm a revived Jennifer Aniston fan. see this for further explanation. how long will this fascination last? i dunno. do you?

:: i deliberately skipped an imminent career advancement. some say it's too good to not take but unless you dream of becoming it or you don't have half-baked illusions, then don't. sayang, oo, pero hanggang doon na lang ba ako dahil pinalampas ko? in truth, i don't see myself staying, doing what i presently do, for another two or three years. sabi nga, sana i applied because if i get in, prospects are better outside. pero alam nyo, the job has been to good to me to even think of that. tama na yong nasa ganitong level ako so balanced feelings lang: impressive take-off point to go to another yet not too high a demand to leave easily when you're called to go to some place better. plus i have faith that someone better will be there. i sincerely wish it would be Eiselle because she deserves it (virtual mwah to her!).

a year from now, go back to this post to see if:

...i am a graduate student taking International Studies

...i've travelled to 2 asian countries, at least

...i'm still a Jennifer Aniston/Friends fan

...i'm single and happy

...i weigh 125 pounds

...i'm still on my present job but has brightER prospects abroad (or could be on my way to...?)

...i'm still blogging

...i'm not as cash-strapped as 2005

...i'm still loving all of you, my loyal readers (traffic ko eh 35+ na a day halos, hehe, ang dami grabe...)

Magbalitaan tayo next year!