Jacs called me this afternoon to ask if I can be one of the panelists in the annual career seminar thingy of UP Manila for the freshmen. With barely 48 hours to prepare for the event, I was so disoriented when typing my credentials to send to the person-in-charge. Exactly, what have I become after graduation?
I am sure you've read, time and again, how much discontent I feel now. I know that I wouldn't be an inspiration to most freshmen, would I? Do I tell them, "I am a deputy communications supervisor, promoted after barely three months on the job, but I don't have enough interest in what I do now." Or, "I earn more than many out there who has worked for only three years but I don't feel any gratification or fulfillment to say that I deserve every cent I earn."
It was a dilemma until over dinner, when I realized that I have been fussing over something that can only be changed by no other than myself. Indeed, hearing a friend describe how much shit he has to endure every single day, how many brickbats are thrown his way, how much of an asshole he has to be just so he can do his job…it made me feel so petty and irrelevant.
Anyhow, it wouldn't be, in essence, a realization, if I don't start moving my ass and appreciate what I do now. One thing that greatly struck me was when he told me, that he chose to be in the world he's in now, so he has to stand by that choice. It hit me because I kept on ranting about what I do yet I'm still here! As they say, when you don't want to do something, there's always a way out, but here I am, still showing up for work everyday. Such an irony that I fail to accept. And yes, I know it's because I really don't think with my brain, and feel with my heart.
So thanks to my friend for opening a door of realization that has been so alien to me. Despite your eyes betraying you (I know you were really sleepy and so tired), thanks for coming over. It really meant a lot. Now I have an idea what to tell those freshmen on Thursday.
