in denial
part of this "i've changed" persona is the growing annoyance for people who can't just face reality. oh well, i have to let them be because they have to save their faces. i previously was guilty of taking one to two steps ahead of things to, yes, save my face. it's like a defensive nature. now, i don't care if i had the last say or not. as long as i know the truth, that's fine with me. so okay, you guys go ahead because i've co-existed with you for four years, and there's no reason why i can't do so until God-knows-when. you might think i'm doing this again because i think i am better than most of you. well, you're right. let me add that with you people, i'm starting to feel that class reunions suck.
~
of all the comments i got over the last post, the best came from him. although i did appreciate everyone who reacted otherwise but eventually understood. i'm really doing okay; it's not something that worries me that i can't work anymore. i am better than that. besides, it's something done deliberately. i did it not because I HAD TO. i did it because I WANT TO. only those with puny brains won't understand the difference of the two. anyway, reading what he thought of it, without asking him to react, formally starts the quest for the path towards letting my feelings go. sabi nga ng isang bakla, 'YUN NA.
~
on our way home last night, rachel and i were gushing over regine's song, "araw gabi". it's so not me to blurt, "pag mahal mo talaga, araw gabi iniisip mo, hindi ba?", but i did. she answered yes. nagkaintindihan na kami doon. we're both happy. we have not gotten to that point of having someone beside us but we're happy. we didn't go to the gym despite our promise; we watched a movie after eating pretzels and freshly-squeezed lemonade. see, that freedom makes us happy. and despite the fact that we, for a while, wished we have someone to call when we need a ride, (not the "mang pedring" call, but the "honey, can you pick me up" type), we had such fun time mildly bashing some women, some cars, and some people over 60 pesos. we're mean but we're happy. see, life is so beautiful.
*plays araw gabi as i return to work*